GWM & GAM Speak Out!
(Continued from page 2)
Name: EaststarNYC (Re: Above letter from jlhuckleberry)
City/Country: Singapore
Well huckleberry, you write that you are proud to be a rice queen. That really takes the cake. The reality is that Rice Queens fetishism Asian guys. In the same way as a man who says he will only date women with 44DD boobs, it's not the person you care about, it's the physical qualities like "smooth skin" "black hair" "small eyes". Or worse still, you stereotype an entire race with certain qualities, real or imagined -- in your case, you wrote "Their skin, their attitudes, their devotion." Oh please! That's so offensive. It's as if you were describing your pet dog. It's like writing about how you love black men for their big penises and athletic prowess. What you are doing is stereotyping.
And this isn't just a gay thing. Asian women have written volumes about white men who date only Asian women, and how that too is just as pathetic. In the latest issue of Details, an Asian women wrote, "Guys who only date Asian women are just as unsavory as women who date only billionaires... complement my haircut, not my hair..."
I also disagree with your sociological analysis when you say, "By far the biggest factor in the inter-ethnic dating issue is the unwritten societal rule of stay with your own kind." My objection to Rice Queens and Potato Queens has nothing to do with interracial dating. I date white guys but I also date Asian guys and black guys. I am all for interracial dating! But when you are a RICE QUEEN or POTATO QUEEN that means you date only one race, and that's the problem. It is a fetish! And unlike other fetishes when you objectify shoes or whatever as your sexual focus, as an RQ or PQ, you are dealing with human beings.
I find it especially pathetic in the case of Asian guys who shun other Asians and date only white guys because that reflects some profound subconscious self-hatred. It's one thing to be attracted to white guys as much as other Asian guys, but when an Asian guy tells me "I won't date an Asian no matter how attractive or compatible with me" or "I rather eat glass than date another Asian", then well, we're in some serious mind-screw here.
It would be great if we could all just throw out our racial prejudices -- both against other races and our own. I find beauty in all races and have dated blacks, whites and Asians. When you focus on one race only, you turn it into a fetish and the person involved becomes secondary in importance to the physical and other qualities with which you stereotype that race. And given the dominance of Western economic and cultural power vise a vise Asia's, there are plenty of opportunities for white guys to use their power to get their fetishes fulfilled, hence the busloads of white men in Thailand and Vietnam clutching fistfuls of Euros and Dollars, drooling through the hoards of teenage boys for rent.
But whether you are living in Thailand or Singapore, in a hut or in a condo, if you're unable to date your own race and stereotype another, it's just as pathetic a situation.
Name: Terry
City/Country: Los Angeles, USA
I've lived in Los Angeles for 5 years. I'm a white male. I'm in my late 30s but could pass for 30. I'm not bad looking: I'm not fat: I work out (I don't have six pack abs and I don't tan though): I'm intelligent and witty. Since I've moved here: I haven't been able to sustain any serious dating. I'm not against dating other white guys: but I find Asians and Latinos far more attractive. I did date one Asian guy for a couple weeks: but he's such a complete emotional wreck that I couldn't take it. We're good friends. I would love to have a longterm relationship with an Asian guy.
I agree that white men frequently consider it dating down as concerned with Asian men. This is more the case in middle America than the coasts where there are tons of Asians. However: when the tables are turned: I'm not seeing much more than a lot of talk. I've chatted with dozens and dozens of Asian guys. They just do not step up to the plate. I'm saying this from my own experiences. I could have a white hot online conversation for hours: then get a few token emails from him over the next day or two: then just never hear from him again. I've talked to some Asian guys over the course of YEARS: who always say they're looking for a relationship: then the talk disintegrates into nothing within a couple days. I've seen an almost unlimited conveyor belt of fickle behavior and even downright lying.
My roommate is a dashing goodlooking Latino/White guy. He dated DOZENS of Asian guys over a 7 year period of time. Same problems. As soon as he starts really getting into them: they disappear. Finally: with all his good looks and charm: he found an Asian guy as his boyfriend (an average Asian guy: not a stud: not bad though). They have been together for a year. But this took 7 years. If what you're saying is true: someone like him should be able to make himself available: and have his pick of the highest breeding quality of Asian studs. He may have been able to have casual sex with the hottest guys: but all of those guys weren't offering anything more substantial.
If there are all of these available hot Asian guys looking for white guys: why aren't they stepping up to the plate? It even seems to me that the older the Asian guy: the worse the problem. I might be able to see a 20 year old Asian for a couple dates before there was some sort of breakdown. A 40 year old Asian often won't give me the time of day online it seems. I got an online "wink" from a hunky 44 year old Asian guy last week. I followed up by sending him an email: to which I never heard from him again.
Most of the Asian guys I've dated who really wanted to have a relationship with me were heavy in the emotion department and lagging in the sex. I can think of more than one guy who was "in love with" me: but we didn't have sex. Or the sex we had was great for them: but I had to either fall asleep with blueballs or go jerk off in the bathroom. Cuddling is great: but I really want a physical guy who's into pleasing me and vice versa. I even dated a nice Asian guy who only wanted to see me get off: but he just wanted to go to sleep and get cuddled by me. It's like why am I having sex with someone who doesn't want to be pleased as well. So: with emotional connection: there goes sexual connection. My regular sex buddies are all about sex: often VERY hot mindblowing sex. If I bring up dating: they're not having it. They just want to run by: have the 45 minutes of their life: then bail.
When I lived in the midwest: there was almost no way a white guy would ever date an Asian guy. Possibly because there are 50 white guys for every Asian guy: and that Asian guy just looks so different from what they are used to. In Los Angeles: the Asian smooth and boyish appearance seems to be a plus. I see tons of Asian guys "interbreeding" with guys of every other type. There may be some discrimination but I'm not seeing it that much.
There is also the issue of reverse discrimination. Tons of Asian guys feel like it's "selling out" to date a white guy. They won't date anyone who isn't Asian.
Gay people are often Members Only who like to keep out anyone who doesn't fit the mold. If it's not race: it's age: or weight: or fitness: or mannerisms: or genre. I've never been smarter: better looking: more secure with my career and more emotionally stable in my life. But I feel that being in my late 30s: I have to put a LOT of effort into getting dates that don't go anywhere.
So I'm wondering where all these great Asian guys are: who want white guys: who are complaining about discrimination: but who aren't delivering!
I'm not blaming you personally or trying to put you on the defensive. I'm saying there are definitely two sides to this story.
Name: Deddy
City/Country: Bali, IND
This is a great site. And whoever wrote this stories has some resemblance with my experiences. Being gay in Indonesia is not as easy as being gay in Sydney or Bangkok or anywhere else in the region, but being gay in Bali, well that's different matter. At the tender age of 19, I used to date White man only, regardless of their age and origin. But then, when I was 24, something inside me just clicked: I could not take this anymore. Many of the gays that I dated were either stocky, plump, over 50 or absolutely not attractive. Only few of them that is attractive and I have to say, the competition was fierce.
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