Eye Contact At The Gay Baths
(Continued from page 1)
What I cannot stand is when a guy goes out of his way to avoid me, even after I get the message that there is no interest from his standpoint, and I leave him alone. I have to admit that I am very sensitive and thinned skinned. But when someone avoids me like the plague, I take it bad. Such as leaving a room when I enter it, taking a different route in the hallway to avoid me, or even avoiding passing my room when he is making the rounds. It is hard to desensitize myself from that type of blatant rejection. I know I should not take it personally, but it is hard. I mean what else are they rejecting, the chair I am sitting in? The towel I am wearing? Of course they are rejecting me. But I can also understand them acting that way, because of the huge amount of Asian men that constantly hit on GWM (Read Racism or Preference.) I see it at the baths all the time. After being cruised by so many gay Asian men, many gay men lump all gay Asians as being desperate and constantly chasing after them.
Another thing I cannot stand is when some guy gives off major attitude, by acting like everybody is cruising him and it is exhausting for him to deal with all of these eyes staring at him. But in reality he is only average looking, and nobody is really paying attention to him. This is especially true with a lot of overweight and out-of-shape guys, who run into Asians in the hallways. As I mentioned before, because Asians are stereotyped for going after any GWM, a lot of these guys think we are cruising them! So they turn their heads, look away, and give off major attitude if any Asian guy enters a room. Like we would even be interested in them! And forget about just making a conversation with someone cute. As I had mentioned even acknowledging someone with eye contact in the lounge, men think they are being cruised. So they become unresponsive to conversation, so they can get that person to stop 'cruising' them.
Now just to put the shoe on the other foot, I have been in the situation where older men in there sixties cruise me, to the point that they are stalking me. Although it hurts me to do this, I have to resort to the type of behavior I talked about above, just to shake the older guy. It is almost like these older guys do not know how to take no for an answer. Sometimes there will be an older man standing outside my room, trying to make eye contact with me, while massaging his genitals. During this time, I am looking away, turning my head, staring at the ceiling, trying to send the signal I am not interested. Usually that works. But on more than one occasion, I am looking away for more than five minutes, and the older guy still has not given up. Then I will usually say, 'I am just resting'. Then the older guy leaves, but continues to cruise and give me eye contact for the rest of my stay at the baths.
One time I was in the whirlpool and this 60 year-old man, who had been cruising me for an hour, got in and sat near me. I was not interested, and I tried to make that obvious. I sat away from him, positioned my face so that I was facing a wall, and curled up into a fetal position. You would think that he would get the message. What did he do? He tried to play footsie with me underneath the water. I did not expect him to touch me, and when he did I was so surprised that I yelled and sprang up! And then he took offence that I acted that way. Excuse me, but who was cruising whom? Is it not obvious by my actions that I was not interested? Of course you all know my theory of why older guys chase after Asians, (Read Racism or Preference. ) While I have a problem finding someone my age, older guys are in no shortage for my pickings. It really, really upsets me that I have to treat these older gentlemen this way, because of my work at the Gay Elder Center. But unfortunately, sometimes you have to be blunt to show someone that you have no interest. But a lot of older men approach me for conversation, because I have a very approachable persona. I have no problem with that, but I always make it clear that it is just conversation we are having, that is all.
A lot of the times I will run into people I see over and over again at the baths, but have never had any type of intimate contact or conversation with that person. I always try to acknowledge that person with some sort of eye contact and a nod. Some guys seem to appreciate the acknowledgement and return with a nod of their own. Others look right past me, without even a return glance. And if I run into someone I have been intimate with, I have always acknowledged that person with a nod and a hello. But a lot of guys do not do that. Usually they act as if they have never seen you before. What I think is that they must be dealing with their own insecurities and problems to be that rude. But on the flip side, there are other guys I have seen regularly, that have taken things a step further. Nods turning into hellos, which turn into conversations every time we run into each other.
There is one guy, about my age, that I have seen at the baths every Saturday afternoon with out fail for the past four years. If there were a Saturday afternoon regular, it would be the two of us. But it took us years to get to the point where we would even nod and say hello to each other. Now we are having the briefest of conversations, like the weather, just because we have seen each other so many times. The friendship is rather tenuous and very superficial. I sometimes wonder about him, what makes him tick. And why he comes to the baths. Maybe someday we will go out for a cup of coffee, outside the bathhouse. And I can find out more about him. I will have to keep you posted.
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