Gay Bathhouse Etiquette
Basically, you will know if someone likes you. You make eye contact. If he makes eye contact and you make eye contact, well you know what will happen next. Some guy's will not make eye contact, and even look away. You cannot take it personally. That is the biggest rule at the baths (although it is still hard for me to digest). Sometimes touching is a good communication tool. If you see someone across the room, you may want to stroke your dick, play with your nipples or even wet your lips with you tongue. If you are sitting near someone, you may want to try playing footsies or reaching over and pinching his nipple. If you are passing by someone in the hallway, you may want to have your hand brush against him. Some of the older guy's will actually be bold enough and grab a guy ' s crotch! If he turns or pushes you away, just smile and walk away. Do not prolong the agony of trying to create something that is not going to happen. He is not interested.
If someone approaches you that are not up to your standards, be gentle in turning him down. Remember how you would want to be treated, as we have all been shot down at one time or another. I usually say, "I am just walking around, getting a feel for the place." Or if you want to be direct say, "I am not interested." Do not say, "Get out of my face". That is rude. Although you will encounter some guys who will say that. If someone turns you down, accept it gracefully and move on. Do not stalk the person and hang around outside his room. It makes him uncomfortable and makes you look like a fool. Believe me, everybody is observing everyone. By stalking someone who has no interest in you, you may be missing out on someone else.
When you start cruising the rooms, men will be lying on the bed in all sorts of positions. Face down means he wants to be f---ed, standing up means he wants oral, sitting up on the bed could mean many things, but probably just a good time. If you pass by a room and the guy looks away, he is not interested. However, if he looks at you, and even starts stroking himself, well you know where that will lead.
If you happen to see two guys getting it on, wait for a signal that you can join in. A wink, nod or even a hand wave will give you an indication. If you see none, that means they do not want or need a third party. If you join in you will be pushed away, either gently or very forcefully. That is embarrassing, so wait for the signals.
Remember this is a bathhouse, where rejection happens every second. So you cannot take it personally, that is just the way it is. If you cannot accept that, then do not go. If you walk away with anything after reading this website, walk away with this. A bathhouse is a place where quickie sex is the norm. If you are looking for a long bonding experience with someone, you have come to the wrong place. I am not saying that it cannot happen, but it is rare. Most times at the baths a man's focus is to get off, and move on. It is acceptable in a bathhouse environment for a guy to get up and leave, within 30 seconds of reaching ejaculation. Many times before and after sex no pleasantries are even exchanged. It just wastes time for the reasons both of you are there - THE SEX! So why waste time by talking? Time and time again a guy will get up, put his towel back on, and leave your room once the sex is finished. All without saying a word. Afterwards, one of two things will happen. You may run into him again in the hallways, as he is looking for his next encounter. Some guys are even insensitive enough to act like he has never seen you before. Again, you cannot take it personally. The baths are for quick and easy sex. You are not there to make friends. Or the guy will shower and leave the baths, satisfied that he got off. It is not rare for men to spend only 20 minutes at the baths. Their sole purpose is to get laid, and if they accomplished that, why stick around? But for some guys, who are still in the closet, they become wrapped with guilt after having quickie sex. They find it sleazy and cheap. These men run out of the baths, guilt ridden vowing never to return. But that only lasts a couple of hours, and the next day they will be back.
I have been asked a number of times, if it is possible to go to the baths only as an observer, without getting hit on. The answer is yes, and here is how you do it. Do not get undressed. There is no rule that says you have to strip off all of your clothes. Being fully clothed is a sign to other men, that you are off-limits. Also, some of the customers might think you work at the bathhouse. And all of the patrons know that staff is off-limits. My friend Ari (Prime Timers) will do just that. When he comes to the baths, he stays fully clothed, sits in a well-lit part of the bathhouse and watches people pass him by. No one bothers him. If he sees someone interesting, he will pursue him, while still fully clothed.
Above all please play it safe, condoms and lube. Someone told me something that stuck in my mind, which I will pass on to you. Do not do anything you do not want to do. It is not worth it. Many a times, you will be caught up in the moment. Do not for one second feel pressured to bare back or do anything you are uncomfortable with. Around the corner, there is another guy who will do what you want to do. So be patient.
Final word of advice; Have Fun!