Straight & Bi Married Men
Sometimes part of the fun of going to the baths is observing all of the men cruising one another. One of my favorite pastimes is to sit in one of the busiest hallways and watch all of the men pass by me and focus on each mans left hand. Why? Because I like to see how many wedding rings I can pick out. My all time record was counting 20 wedding rings in a single night. (Though since same-sex marriage has been legalized, this little game I play no longer applies!)
For married men, the baths are a perfect place to get your rocks off, and not worry about getting caught. As I have mentioned, the baths are a "behind closed doors" type atmosphere, its location very secluded and out of the way. It is just too risky for married men to go to a gay bar looking for a pick-up. First there is the constant worry of being "seen" by someone. Second, you do not have to waste your time at the bar, talking someone up. At the baths you can get right to the point. Third, married men have no place to go have sex if they find someone. The baths are so convenient; you are there, a room is only steps away, and you can cut right to the chase.
But many married men go to the baths, looking for some sort of companionship in a non-sexual way. (Read Making The Connection for more) These men don't have many dealings interacting with the gay community and the need to connect someway with other gay men is strong. Whether it is conversation to observing two gay men having a quickie. It fills that need to be with another man. These men feel safer connecting with other gay men at the baths than the bars or clubs. (Again that closed doors environment) What the baths offers these men is a false sense of security and acceptance. There is a sense of freedom to let go and feel uninhibited.
But its not just married men who use the baths to fool around. I have had encounters with many gay men who are in committed relationships, but not in an open relationship. Now here is an interesting tidbit. No matter how turned on some of these men may get, or how much they want to get off (ejaculate), when they are having sex with someone else at the baths, they control themselves and manage not to cum. The reason? If they cum earlier in the day with someone else at the baths then cannot cum later that same day with their significant other, suspicion will arise. I have even heard of some couples, when infidelity has crept into their lives, that each person must ejaculate every night in front of the other. This is to show that they have been faithful. But to get back to married men, they do not have to worry about ejaculation. They can just feign a headache to their wife.
Typically married men go to the baths during the day, never late at night when the place is most popular. You can catch married men at the baths at three different times. Lunchtime, (read The Lunch Special for more). After work (during rush hour and commuter traffic.) And finally the most popular time Sunday afternoons during football on TV. The after work crowd consists of commuters who want to wait out the rush hour traffic. With nothing to do between 5 to 8 PM, these men will head to the baths looking for some action. Generally they will tell their wives that they are having a drink with a client, working late at the office or stuck in rush hour traffic. While the Sunday afternoon crowd will consist of other married men looking for some hot sex before Sunday dinner with the folks. Their excuse to their wives range from having to finish up some work at the office, going to the gym, or having a beer with the buddies at a bar, while watching the football game.
Now I have met and seen my share of married men at the baths over the years. One person I mentioned in Judging a Book By It's Cover. About a young married man who goes to the baths frequently. Picture a body like Jean-Claude VanDamme, face and hair of a model. Wardrobe consists of ripped jeans and a flannel shirt with no sleeves. Yet, he is married, in the closet and goes to the baths weekly. I once over-heard a conversation he had with a guy whom he just finished having sex with. He was saying that if there were a pill he could take that would make him straight, he would be the first in line. It made me think what his life would be like, if he was honest with himself. He would be so popular in the gay community. He sure would not be lonely. Yet he is in the closet and is married, and if I saw him on the street, I would think – straight.
Then there are the married and single straight men that use the baths just to get a blowjob. Many women do not like performing oral on their husband/boyfriend/or partner. They find it gross and prefer the conventional way of sex. So these men just head to the baths and wait for some guy to blow them; the guy performing oral doesn't have to look great. The straight guy is just concentrating on the wonderful feeling of getting blown. You will find many of these straight guys sitting in the porn room. All they have to do is sit there with an erection, stroke their dick up and down, and eventually men will come. I remember one guy who only liked to get blown. Every week, on the same day at the same time, he would arrive at the baths. He would plunk himself in the porn room, stroke himself, and in the next three hours over twenty guys would suck him! During that time, he would never say anything. Some blowjobs lasted a minute, others could go on for five minutes. After three hours he would shower and leave. He proved so popular and consistent that guys used to be waiting for him by the porn room. And every seven days it would happen again and again.
Other married men I have seen at the baths arrive with a hustler they have developed a relationship with. Every week they met up at the baths, have wild sex, and then go their separate ways. In another 7 days they met up again. As I had mentioned in my story Tricks of the Trade, in a hustlers mind, a trick is not a one-night stand. A good trick is when you get a customer coming back for more and more. That way a hustler has a guaranteed source of income.
While there have been other older (and I do mean older) men who are married and use the baths to get off. Many of these men are still married, because back in the 50s and early 60s, that was the thing to do. Many of them hoped that by getting married, it would erase the feelings they had for men. There was not this freedom that exists today, where men are coming out at a very early age. Subsequently, they have come to grips with their sexuality, but lack the courage to come out and break up the family. It is hard when things have been the same for twenty years. But surprisingly, I have met some older married men who have come out to their wives, and now they are having a marriage in name only. Not wanting to break up the family or their relationship, the man is allowed to pursue gay relationships. So they are together for the sake of the family, but both parties pursue new relationships outside of the marriage. But I have also met some other men who were married and have since divorced their wives. They just did not want to live a lie any longer. I really salute their courage. It is not easy being 50 or 60 and coming out in this day of age. While it is more accepting to be gay now, unfortunately the older you get, the more invisible you are within the gay community, which is so focused on youth and beauty.
So to sum up why married men go to the baths. Half of them are in denial about their sexuality. Despite vowing never to go back to the baths, they always do. And the other half accept the fact of their sexuality and keep coming back for more and more, constantly worried about rocking the boat in their current marriage. I just hope that all of these married men are practicing safe sex, for their wives sake.