Straight & Bi Married Men
Straight & Bi Married Men

Sometimes part of the fun of going to the baths is observing all the men cruising each other. One of my favorite pastimes is to sit in one of the busiest hallways. Then watch all the men pass me by and focus on each left hand. Why? Because I like to see how many wedding rings I can pick out. My record was counting 20 wedding rings in a single night. But since same-sex marriage is now legal, this little game I play no longer applies!

The baths are the perfect place for married men to get their rocks off, and not worry about getting caught. As I have mentioned, a Bathhouse is a “behind closed doors” type atmosphere. Its location is very secluded and out of the way. It is too risky for married men to go to a gay bar for a pick-up:

1 – Someone constantly worries about being “seen” by someone.
2 – You do not have to waste your time at the bar talking someone up.
3 – Married men have nowhere to go and have sex if they find someone.

The baths are so convenient; you can get right to the point. You are there, a room only steps away, and you can cut right to the chase.

But many married men go to the baths, looking for some companionship in a non-sexual way. These men don’t have many dealings with the gay community, and the need to connect with other gay men is strong. Whether it is a conversation or observing two men having a quickie, it fills that need to be with another guy. Because the baths are behind closed doors, closeted men feel safer connecting with other gay men rather than in a bar or club. What bathhouses offer is a false sense of security and acceptance. That is a sense of freedom to let go and feel uninhibited.

But it’s not just married men who use the baths to fool around. I’ve interacted with many gay men in committed relationships that have not been opened up. Here is an interesting tidbit – no matter how turned on some of these men may get, and want to get off (ejaculate), they control themselves and manage not to cum. The reason? If they cum earlier in the day with someone else at a bathhouse, then cannot cum later that same day with their significant other, suspicion will arise. But that is only for gay men. Married men are more relaxed as they do not have to worry about ejaculation. They can complain about a headache to their wife.

Typically married men go to the baths during the day, never late at night when it’s the busiest. You can catch married men at the baths three different times. Lunchtime, after work, and the best time, Sunday afternoons during football on TV. The after-work crowd consists of commuters who want to wait out the rush hour. With nothing to do from 5 5 to 8 PM, these men will head to the baths looking for some action. They will generally tell their wives they’re meeting with a client, working late at the office, or stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The Sunday afternoon crowd consists of other married men, looking for hot sex before dinner with the folks. Excuses for their wives range from having to finish up some work at the office, going to the gym, or having a beer with their buddies at a bar while watching football.

I have met and seen my share of married men at the baths over the years; here is one example. Picture a bodybuilder with the face and hair of a model. Sporting ripped jeans with a sleeveless flannel shirt. But he is married, in the closet, and goes to the baths weekly. I once overheard a conversation he had with another guy. They had just finished having sex. He told the other man if there were a pill to make him straight, he would be the first in line. It made me think about what his life would be like if he were honest with himself. He would be so popular in the gay community and would not be lonely. However, he is in the closet and married. If I saw him on the street, I would think – straight.

Then there are the married and single straight men that use the baths to get a blowjob. Many women dislike performing orally on their husbands, boyfriend, or partner. They find it gross and prefer the conventional way of sex. These men head to the baths and wait for some guy to blow them. The guy performing oral doesn’t have to look great. All that straight guy is just concentrating on, is the fabulous feeling of getting blown. You will find many of these straight guys sitting in the porn room with an erection, stroking their dick up and down. Eventually, other men will come crawling. I remember one guy who only liked to get blown. Every week, on the same day, at the same time, he would arrive at the baths. He would plunk himself in the porn room, stroke himself, and soon over twenty guys would suck him for over three hours! During that time, he would say nothing. Some blowjobs lasted a minute; others could go on for five minutes. After three hours, he would shower and leave. He proved so popular and consistent; guys used to be waiting by the porn room for him. Every seven days, it would happen again like clockwork.

Other married men I’ve seen at the baths arrive with a hustler they have a relationship with. They meet at the baths weekly, have wild sex, and go their separate ways. Then, in another seven days, they meet up again. As I mentioned in my essay Tricks of the Trade, a trick is not a one-night stand in a hustler’s mind. The good “Trick” is when you get a customer returning for more and more – that way, a hustler has a guaranteed income source.

While other older (and I do mean older) men, who are married and use the baths to get off, are still married because back in the 50s and early 60s, that was the thing to do. Many of them hoped that getting married would erase the feelings they had for men. No freedom existed back when men were coming out at a very early age. Subsequently, they have come to grips with their sexuality but lack the courage to come out and break up the family. It is hard when things have been the same for twenty years. But surprisingly, I have met some older married men who have come out to their wives, and now they have a marriage in name only. Not wanting to break up the family, the man can pursue gay relationships. Both the wife and husband pursue new relationships outside the marriage. But I have also met some other married men who have since divorced their wives. They did not want to live a lie any longer, and I salute their courage. It is not easy being 50 or 60 and coming out in this day and age. While it is more accepting to be gay now, unfortunately, the older you get, the more invisible you are within the gay community, focusing on youth and beauty.

So to sum it up, why married men go to the baths? Half of them are in denial about their sexuality. Yet, despite vowing never to revisit the Baths, these men always go back. The other half accepts their sexuality and returns to the baths for companionship. While constantly worrying about rocking the boat in their current marriage.

So I hope all these married men practice safe sex – for their wives’ sake.

35 thoughts on “Straight & Bi Married Men At The Gay Baths”

  1. Never been to a bath house, I’m bi and used to go to an adult shop video booth to watch porn and pump my ass with a wild waiting for cock to stick through the glory hole but I wasn’t as sneaky as i thought. I was 25 been married for 5 years my wife knew I wanted anal because i had asked her i would say at least 50 times over the years but she would not have a bar of it saying women have holes to fuck not men calling me names saying whats next first I practically beg her to fuck my ass next I will be dressing in her cloths and want me to call me her wife now. So I was at the adult shop and had just had my ass stretched hard from a guy I let in my booth and blew another through the glory hole at same time it was heaven, my legs were trembling from the good ass fucking I just had. Cum was everywhere on my ass up my back running down my legs and from the guy I sucked I love have cum sprayed over my face and it was and on my shirt in my hair. I really loved how it made me feel like a proper cock and cum loving slut. I do bring a change of cloths these days as it wasn’t the first time I’ve left the video shop looking a mess cum covered but this time when I proudly walked through the video shop heading for the car still cum all over me, i walk outside and boom my wife is waiting she takes 1 look at me says “she knew I was cheating who is it and what the fuck is all over my face?” And not sure why or but all I could say it’s cum all over my face and smeared into my ass and all up my back there was so much of it, in proportion to the size of his cock I can seriously hardly walk definitely the biggest cock ever been in my ass….. actually just before he came he told me he just turned my ass into well stretched out cock loving boi pussy. My wife just stood there in shock saying nothing for a minute then says “so his cock was so big he shot his cum in or on your ass all up your back and in your hair and still had enuff shoot cum all over your face and oh yes turned your ass into a fucking boi pussy?
    I didn’t mean to but blurted out well ive been virtually begging you to use dildos on me you wouldn’t and using on myself felt good but I just want to lay back to enjoy the feeling being fucked it not the same when ive gotta do it all. I used to come here to do it then one day a massive cock came through a hole in the wall and without even thinking I dropped the dildo turned and tried to get the cock into my ass but couldn’t it was as thick as your wrist and about 12inch long. My wife said stop just stop you didn’t even was the cum off your face and well everywhere you look like a proper whore were you just going to come home like that, cum everywhere. I said no babe no not at all ive got spare cloths in the car.
    She just looked furious screaming so it’s not the first time you’ve been covered in cum you fucking sissy slut. I’ve got a change of cloths for you here ive known about the video shop visits for over a year but thinking just the dildos not sucking and being fucked by a 12inch cock.
    I didn’t want to say no I was sucking another cock while the huge cock in my ass which now is been turned into a well fucked and stretched boi pussy. So I blurted out I only sucked it to make him cum before fucking my pussyass so he would last longer fucking me.
    With that she burst out laughing saying you really are a fucking good sissy slut aren’t you, get back inside and I will bring your change of cloths into the video booth.
    Off I went very very happy with everything I really believed that if she ever knew I’d been sucking cock and being fucked in the ass. Well I dunno what I thought other than it would be like end of world stuff but she actually seemed ok more than ok appart from when I had just walked out covered in cum. Then I hear her “where are you slut ive got your outfit
    I open the door and get handed a skimpy little outfit with fishnet crotchless stockings little panties
    “What the fuck babe?”
    “Don’t you dare what the fuck me you slut, clean yourself up and get dressed, then told me I’m not leaving here today I will be servicing every single cock that comes in here today and showing me how I suck them until they cum on my face so they can all fuck your ass…pussy for longer and how easy it stretched to get that massive 12inch cock up your sloppy hole. Soon as your dressed get your sissy ass out into the store say sorry for the commotion and how I’d like to offer my mouth and pussy for him to fuck before I suck and let fuck me every single cock that comes in here today
    “That’s perfect you fucking sissy slut now get back in there and wait for him to come and fuck your sloppy hole”
    So how did I come out to my wife ? I didn’t, later she told me until about 6 months ago she was only suspicious but one night we were having sex she thought she didn’t think I had actually gone through with have something in my ass she was only suspicious so she thought she would see how it went slipping a finger in my ass while giving me a blow job, apparently she had 2 fingers inside when I said this was so exciting I been wanting it bad in my ass already feels amazing and your only ticking my hole, i think I will be able to take it fairly easy because of how badly I been wanting to try then my hopes were dashed she just started blowing me and stopped saying can’t do it.
    She tells me now the moment she started sucking my cock and since I didn’t even know 2 fingers were already in me so she went straight up 4 fingers past the knuckle and I said to her oh cool that felt easy if you want to try 2
    She says that was easy was it? Did you even feel it going in?
    Tell the truth not really, and she pulled her hand away said no can’t do it and stopped. What I didn’t know was she did actually have 4 fingers in past her knuckles, now she tell me she just panicked because she could have actually tucked her thumb in and her hole hand would have pretty much fell inside the sloppy hole what was once my asshole which also ment I had either been ramming her toys up my ass but wasn’t sure because none of her toys are that big to stretch my ass wide enuff for her to push her hand up my ass without me even feeling it, so she followed me and has known for over 6 months ive been going to the video shop twice a week that she knows and sucking cock till they cum then they last longer when fucking sissy slut pussy
    So that was 20 years ago now everything worked out great she has a collection of huge dildos which she is still amazed at how easy she can feed them into my ass and really gets off on watching me suck cock making it cum before fucking my ass even making me ask guys if they would cum in my mouth 2 times before fucking me because they usually take well over an hour to cum on the third time she love seeing my ass getting absolutely driven hard by huge cock she’s so proud I can take huge cock with so much ease and mostly the looked on my face the second I get a hard cock in me is pure heaven she nearly cums just watching my pleasure of how hard I cum from being fucked in the ass without even touching my cock Best wife ever

  2. With exceeding appreciation and laudable comments far beyond my realm of both lineior expression and physical intimacy or erotic encounters with other men or ascending desire and experimentation . Stated differently curious and latent homosexual proclivities

  3. Never been to a bathhouse but have read lots. Would love to go on a late night weekend, if I find one. I’m bi, bottom and open minded of pleasure. Would love to try it out.

  4. I am married and love bathhouses. I am married to a very conventional woman who does not like oral and anal. Having sex at a bathhouse allows me the opportunity to receive oral and get as much anal as I want and guess what, it makes me feel like I am not cheating. Cheating would be having sex with a woman. Just my way of enjoying what I like without the guilt trip.

  5. Hi. I just wanted to say that I Luv bathhouse blues. I’m 37 yo bi white male and married. Just the kind GAM talked about in one of his articles. I’ve never been even touched by a guy but finally I’ve summed up the guts and finally I’m going to a gay bathhouse. I’ve wanted cock since I was young and now I’m finally going to do it! I’ve read most of the blogs and found them fascinating and I can’t wait to go! I think I’m very sub and I don’t want to cum while I’m there but want to suck as many cocks as I can. Unlike GAM I’m totally into much older guys like daddy Dom types. I would luv to serve as many of them as possible. Any tips? Anyway the one thing I’m totally scared about is catching a disease. GAM said that blowjobs are low risk. I think he meant as long as u don’t swallow. Well I’m sure u can stop sucking before a guy squirts his load in ur mouth but what about drinking pre-cum. Isn’t that dangerous. Ur words of wisdom would really help.

  6. Love your dimples. I actually have gone down on one Asian guy although I am married and have never been to a bathhouse.

  7. Great blog, thanks. As a married Bi_curious man in LA I would like to know how someone finds a bath house in their city? Are there review sites for best places to go?

  8. *clap clap* ray thank you, u summed up most of my thoughts there, yeah I haven’t been in the gay atmosphere for long, I’m bi, and already find most of the typical “white boys” annoying, u attracted to Hispanic/Middle Eastern guys? Me too, I’m in love with 1 at a time, so sad I don’t know if his gay or bi, haven’t asked him yet, too afraid. A little off the topic for a moment, has anyone here suffered heart break from constantly falling for a straight guy? the past 2-3 years I been falling for str8 guys, and it fucking hurts when I find out about them,,, I don’t wanna experience the same pain again. Anyone got any philosophical sayings you can post, to cheer me up 🙁

  9. Nice stories guy as I am a Latino bottom guy that happens to be married but love cock action and I have had some great times in the baths of NYC and Philly.

  10. I am in the process of reading your entire site and I must thank you. A friend of mine told me about a bath house here and invited me to join him to see what it was about. The idea is unbelievable, just thinking about it excites me so very much I can’t believe it. Here is my problem, first I am military, secondly, I am married, thirdly I have an utterly uncontrollable fear of HIV. I consider myself bi-sexual, I love sex with women and men both. After reading your website I have come to the conclusion that I am going to do it…no more hesitation, I am going next week. Thank you again for the enlightenment. By the way, I am a 33 y/o white male and I have no problems what-so-ever with Asians or anyone else. If you want feel free to drop me a line, I am always looking for someone to talk to, it really sucks to hide in the closet and be unable to tell others just how much I love a big fat cock

  11. I have never been to a bathhouse. My question is this: I am a 50 year old bi guy reasonably good-looking and in decent average shape thinking of visiting a local house to see what’s what. I would only be interested in socializing and perhaps safely topping a nice guy. I am not into the “scene”, and nor am I any youngster. Will I be way out of my league, or might there be others of my age and interests? I would appreciate your thoughts.

  12. Thanks for the expert testimony. I go to Steamworks in Berkeley from time to time. I learned a lot from you. I’m married and very good looking, and quite timid about connecting.

  13. Good job, very informative. Helps us married str8 guys move one step closer to gaining membership at a bathhouse and realizing we are really bi or gay.

  14. I was shocked to see a real site on the things that happens in a bathhouse. I used to frequent bathhouses for years and it was my secret pleasure. I would be sitting on my couch-watching friends and all of a sudden I’d start getting hard just looking at my foot. So I’d pack up and head downtown, get a bottle of poppers and strip my ass down to just a towel. After a while I’d just leave the towel in my locker and just go into the play area naked. I liked to go into the stalls and grease my ass – then take a big whiff of poppers and look for the first dick to enter through one of the holes.

    It would only take a little time before a dick would pop through. I’d be pretty high by this time and I’d start rubbing his cock with one of my ass cheeks slowly moving to my hole. At first it would seem big and the first pump would hurt a little. The nature would take over and he’d start pumping as fast as he wants. I’d just let my ass get fucked until I would guess he was ready to cum then I’d pull away – I didn’t want nature to go too far- if ya know what I mean. I always wanted to be screwed bareback – it was sooo good and I miss it some times. I remember one time I was in the sling my ass was getting screwed by this really cute Spanish guy. It was soo hot I wanted him to fill me up – well he pulled out just in time and squirted his cum all the way from between my legs over my head. Some of it went into my mouth – right at that moment another guy pushed in and I got fucked hard for the next 20 minutes.

    It was very good and I think of it often at night. There was another time it was in the middle of the week and I thought I was the only person in the house. They closed off a portion of the house because there were some construction guys working. It was a real bummer because the lights were on and it made for a real uninviting environment. So then I decided to slowly stroke my cock in an area where the construction guys could see me. They were laughing at me until another patron came up and started stroking my cock for me. It was so erotic to be completely exposed in front of normal people. Then I decided to turn around and bend over pointing my ass at the good patron. He started to fuck me nicely in and out – he had a nice long cock and he seemed to get a kick out of screwing me in front of the construction guys. I loved it and I let him cum in me – then I sucked his dick clean. I would have fucked all the construction guys if they’d whipped their dicks out. I think secretly they did want to pull them out.

    Anyway – I am now married and have a daughter. But I still twist my nipples sometimes in the shower and think of those times.

  15. I am the wife of a man who used to go to the Bathhouses here in my state. He was bi and had LOW self-confidence. He preferred women, was bi-curious and having no luck with the opposite sex. He says he went to experiment sexually and to gat release with another person and also because it was an escape from the women he was rejected by. I have been curious about what he did on his visits and about what it was like, since I never knew of the existence of such places before he told me. Our local paper ran a pretty unbiased and fair article about the bathhouses in our area recently and my husband said I should read it if I were curious about the subject. That article lead me to this site. My comment is that my husband was in his early twenties(now we are in our late twenties)when he would go to the bathhouse he was a member of for a year. I asked him about interracial sex he has had. He told me that he has had sex with a black woman and that he has had sex (oral sex only, he was disease paranoid) singularly and in a group at the bathhouse with black and Asian men. I also have a few gay friends and a gay uncle. While my uncle only dates inside his race, the younger guys of my generation have been all over the world in that respect. Perhaps the racism you speak of in your article is more of a geographical problem. I have seen very little of that here and my husband says that he hasn’t seen it at the clubs or bathhouses except in a few rare cases. We live in a northern state and a metropolitan area where different races mix well everywhere from schools to neighborhoods to the workplace. That seems to have spilled over into the gay community as well.

  16. I love the stories; we don’t have bathhouses here, but I often fantasize about watching men fuck men, about taking a man myself (I am 30 & bi-curious, but I’ve not yet taken advantage of any chances that have presented themselves — either the timing or the man is wrong). Your stories help me fantasize, from a more realistic perspective. Thank you so much.

  17. I read your passage regarding married guys. Interesting, yet incomplete. As a married Bi-sexual, I am interested to know the views of the gay guys that I meet at the bathhouses. How are we evaluated and how we are perceived. Not only those of us who are there for the blow job but also those who want to cuddle or go for the complete repertoire.

  18. I found the information on your site very helpful. I am bi and still in the closet. I have been to a bathhouse in my city 2 times…and I enjoyed it. I was wondering if you knew of a bathhouse in Tucson? I cannot seem to find one. Thanks very much

  19. Thank you for taking your time in writing this wonderful stories. As a “closet” gay who’ve just started to know/go to the bathhouse at the age of 33, it’s major step to know from the experience one. I hope I learn about the the bathhouse 10 years younger! (I grow up in Thailand and went to the bathhouse in Toronto for the first time – a month

  20. Thank you so much for your website. I’m closet bi, and wanting to visit a bathhouse here in Paris. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, how to behave etc until I read your site. thank you so much for that, now I have a good knowledge of what to expect! Really appreciated. Now I’m setting off for my first ever bathhouse encounter!

  21. Hmmm, interesting stories that frankly got me hard. My experiences with bathhouses are a little different to yours. As a married bi-male in the San Francisco area, going to the Water Garden in San Jose is a great option. Luckily I have had the opportunity to do it with Asian males, very cool. Where are you at? Drop me a line.

  22. First time to see this site. Read all of your articles and found them enlightening since I’ve never been to a bath house. Always wondered what it would be like. Since I am closeted, your web site helped my understanding. Wondered if there were guys there that like wrestling holds applied in the rooms as foreplay/domination satisfaction. (not actual wrestling, just holds applied). Tks guy, Ric

  23. I love your stories…relating to some of them as an Asian male who is now 40. I’ve been working out so the work has really increased the number of contacts at the bathhouse. However, I’m also married so I really relate to the Married Men column.

  24. I loved your web site. Being a closeted gay guy myself, I could relate to most of what you said… all but not having guys hit on you. I am a GWM who has always found Asians particularly attractive (not because of the submissive thing). I can’t imagine that other guys don’t also find Asians attractive.

  25. Hi, I am one of those married men you wrote of. I’m 60..healthy..good shape and bi-sexual, though until 2 years ago had not explored the “other” side. Now I have and have discovered what I was missing big time. I seem to be most attracted to younger men…30s,40s mostly but not exclusively…and it was one of these young men (we met on a chat line) who introduced me to the baths. Wow! It’s like a another world. I’ve been there twice now alone, and both times had younger men make overtures to me. What an ego boost. I still wasn’t sure of the “rules” or the “etiquette” at such a place, so I used a search engine and voila, found you. And now I’ve spent a good half hour just reading your great stories, with more to go. Gives me a much clearer picture of what to expect, although rejection will never be something I accept easily. (I haven’t had it yet, simply because the boys approached me in the first two instances.) I find these places…the one I go to anyway…to be very erotic and it feels great just to in the company of other men who feel much as I do. It’s an interlude and then I return to my real life, but it’s one I look forward to with great pleasure. Thanks for these stories…they are wonderful to read. All best, Matt

  26. It was most interesting coming across your website and reading your very candid and warm accounts. There are no bathhouses where I am but I can certainly relate with the sentiments expressed. I am a very closeted Chinese from a small island state near the equator. Thanks again for sharing

  27. Hmmm, interesting stories that frankly got me hard. My experiences with bathhouses are a little different to yours. As a married bi-male in the San Francisco area, going to the Water Garden in San Jose is a great option. Luckily I have had the opportunity to do it with Asian males, very cool.

  28. Thank you for your stories, they are very interesting and I am looking for more and more. I am a 52 year old male and I have been married for thirteen years, but I am bisexual. I have never been to a gay bathhouse but I should like to go there, without having sex. Is it possible to go to a gay bathhouse and not have any sex or touching? I just want to check it out without any physical contact. Is that possible within the bathhouse or should I expect that at least some physical contact will take place? Please let me know what’s your opinion about. Have you ever seen in a bathhouse completely shaved men, with no pubic hair ? Have you ever had sex with them? Is that unsafe for HIV, in your opinion? Thank you for your patience. I am sorry for my very poor English, but I speak English with difficulty.

  29. I like your stories, I’m not out, I am Bi and never have been to a bathhouse. Do you know of any web sites that list them? How does one go about finding a nice bathhouse in their city?

  30. Hey, I am a married male who has visited the baths two times now. I am in denial, and do practice safe sex.I wish I would have found your site before I went to the baths. A lot of my questions went unanswered…and therefore I missed several opportunities for sexual encounters. Keep up the great site…I enjoyed this new discovery.

  31. I was wondering exactly what to do once I actually got the courage to go to a local bath house. Seeing as I’m only bi-curious (and not out) I would like to think that anyone who saw me at a bath house wouldn’t say hello to me on the street and tell the people I’m with, exactly where I go at night(If you know what I mean). And also, do I really just walk in after paying and go find someone to fuck? Is it all that it takes? I just don’t want to be so nervous that I look too out of place for anyone to notice. And I don’t want to look like a moron because I don’t know exactly how things work in a bath house. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

  32. I really enjoyed your stories. I never knew bath houses existed in the states. How would I find out if one is in or around San Antonio? If one is near what do you suggest the best way to go to one? I’m married so it would have to be a lunch or afternoon visit with the other married guys. Thanks for any information. Scott

  33. I just read your ‘Married Men’ story. It’s sad that most men live a lie. My wife and I have chosen to live an open relationship and are much happier since. We both explore bi-sexuality our different ways or we go to a swingers party together. Sharing is more fun than cheating. Last time you visited a Bathhouse Never… But I’m looking for one now

  34. Wow. I just wanted to let you know that your experiences are identical to mine. I only do safe oral, I only play safe, however I am a deep in the closet discreet bi. G/F doesn’t know how much I love it.Just wanted to say hi.

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