Racism Or Preference?

Caucasian Men, Asian Men, Gay Men, Black Men, Multicutural Community, Gay Asian Bathhouse, Baths, Racism, Sexual Attraction

The first two entries were to lay down the foundation for my stories. Right now I want to tell you a little bit about myself. Even though I am in my thirties, I still look a decade younger. Anytime I meet someone new, the first question they ask is “What are you taking in college”, or “Do you go to school” I have this youthful, boyish face. Just last week someone thought I was 23. It has gotten to the point that whenever someone asks about my age, I usually say “Guess”.

I have a nice short haircut, dimples on both cheeks, and an okay body. (Nobodys Perfect) One person has described me as having a certain down-home, apple-pie stoic sweetness about myself. But when I go to the baths I usually go home empty handed. 99.9% of the time, I do not even have an encounter with anyone at the baths. Why would I have this problem? After describing myself, I must have tons of guys chasing after me. Because it is generally agreed, but unspoken in the gay community, that Asian Men are completely undesirable by gay men of any color, including their own.

There is still a racism problem in this country, which is most apparent in the gay community. Today's racism isn't blatant, but rather it is subtle. It is a back of peoples mind type of racism. People of all nationalities are being discriminated against every minute of every day. We all do it. No one is immune. The most ironic thing about the gay community is that we have fought for equality in the mainstream society. Yet in gay circles I have seen so many gay men discriminate against each other.

The baths is almost like a microcosm of a small town that consists of only gay men. It is a place where you can see every gay group imaginable under the same roof. No other gay environment offers such a wide variety of gay men in the same place, all interacting and playing sexual politics with one other. On any given night you can always see different types of men hooking up with one another. Chubs & Twinkies, Bears & Smoothies, Gym Bunnies & Trans, the list goes on. Despite all of these obvious differences, they all have one thing in common. All of these couples would be white. In fact, you will see more different 'types' of men hook up together at the baths, than an interracially mixed couple.

GWM (Gay White Men) don't call this racism. Rather they call it a preference. They say physical and sexual attraction is not racial or racist. Not being able to work with, be friends, with or have anything to do with another visible minority is racist. Not wanting visible minorities sexually isn't racist. It is a preference. Gay men aren't attracted to women; so does that make all gay men sexist? Course not. So that is how GWM rationalize this preference.

This white preference that all gay men have stems from all of the media images we are bombarded with on a daily basis. The media, grocery store checkout magazines and the billboards along the highways have all screamed the same subliminal message. WHITE IS BEAUTIFUL. GWM have been conditioned since childbirth to be exclusively attracted to and only associate with there own race. It has become a subliminal preference. Take this analogy: All gay men accept being gay and attracted only to men. It is not a choice, as we were all born that way. Gay men can't control being attracted to men, GWM can't control being attracted to their own race. GWM were born that way. So it is a preference.

Even on a social level, many GWM will only talk to or associate amongst each other at the baths. For instance, I wrote about this Russian/German guy I see frequently at the baths in Making The Connection. Being closeted, he is desperate to connect with other gay men, even in a non-sexual way. I have seen him strike up conversations with every single WHITE guy at the baths. Young & Old, Fat & Thin, Blond, Brunette, the list goes on. He has talked to everyone, except me, and the other visible minorities at the baths. I have NEVER seen him strike up a conversation with anyone of a different color. We have never exchanged one word, yet we've seen each other at the baths every week for years. We have even been in the whirlpool together, and he never speaks to me. But yet when a white guy enters the pool, even if it is someone he has never seen before, he immediately starts a conversation with that person. There has even been a few times where he ignores me right to my face. I'm talking to a white acquaintance, and he'll come up and start a conversation with that white person, and not even acknowledge my presence or even to say hello to me. Then he'll leave saying goodbye to that white person, and I'm completely invisible to him. And let me assure you, he is not the only white person who has treated me that way, like I'm invisible. It has happened many times by many other white guys at the baths. So shyness is not an excuse.

See below to go to page two of this story

Gay, Asian, Caucasian, Interracial, Racism, Sexual Politics, Grindr, Male, Men, Discrimination, Sexual Preference, White

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152 comments for “Racism Or Preference?

  1. T.Z
    March 28, 2014 at 8:44 PM

    I went to a bath house in Japan with a Korean friend. I found that no one was interested in me. My Korean friend told me it was because many Japanese men perceive Caucasians as dirty & diseased.

    In my experience in western bath houses Asian men tend to enter your personal space without permission. They seem to attempt to grope you to show interest. This turns me off. Most Caucasian men show interest through eye contact or body language. Asian men need to understand the social conventions and boundaries of the dominant culture – just as a Caucasian man would be expected to in Asia.

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