Why Gay Men Go To The Baths
You may be sitting in front of your computer reading all of these stories, wondering why I spend so much time in a bathhouse. That is a totally fair question. This essay will give people a better understanding as to why I and so many other gay men around the world spend time at the baths.
The bathhouse scene is a real society with its own rules, culture and politics. It is a whole other world, one that has never been written about - until now. One thing the baths can offer gay men that no other gay establishment can offer is total acceptance. Let's face it; the gay community is a very segregated and superficial environment. If you are a gym bunny, you belong in the circuit scene. If you are a Twinkie, it is the nightclub and bar scene. If you are a Bear, it is the leather scene, and so on. You would be really hard pressed to find a Gay Senior or a Chub or a Visible Minority at any of the gay scenes mentioned above.
The baths is the only gay meeting place where you can see a cross section of every gay group imaginable under the same roof. On any given night you can see Latinos, Twinks, Bears, Chubs, Asians, Blacks, and Gay Seniors. All nationalities, all ages, and all shape and sizes. Everyone is accepted and no one is turned away at the door.
Being practically naked, there is a certain inhibition and vulnerability. Stripped down, people's walls and guards are down. It puts men interacting with one another on an equal level playing field. You have corporate lawyers interacting with truck drivers. You don't know what the other person does, since everyone is only in a towel. There is a certain equality being at the baths. Much more so than in a bar, as people are truly judged by what they look like or what they wear. Being naked brings a sense of equality, with some men being better looking than others (obviously).
Yet despite all of the strides and advances that have been made for gays and lesbians in the mainstream society, it can still feel very isolating being gay in the gay community. That is why it is great to be able to go to the baths and mix with other gay men from all walks of life. But another reason as to why so many gay men go to the baths is the need to connect with someone. Why this need? One word: loneliness, or rather a subconscious feeling of loneliness.
The need for sex in the gay community is in reality a need to connect with another gay man. (Read Making The Connection for more) Whether it is a quick blowjob to anal intercourse, the sexual act fills the loneliness and the need for companionship. That is why there is a lot of sex at the baths. Simply put, there are a lot of lonely gay men in the world.
But there are also many gay men that go to the baths, looking for some sort of companionship in a non-sexual way. That is why you see more married, bi or closeted men at the baths. These men don't have many dealings interacting with the gay community and the need to connect someway with other gay men is strong. Whether it is conversation to observing two gay men having a quickie. It fills that need to be with another man. These men feel safer connecting with other gay men at the baths than the bars or clubs, because it is such a closed doors environment. What the baths offers these men is a false sense of security and acceptance. There is a sense of freedom to let go and feel uninhibited.
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Gay Bathhouse Stories
