Recently at the baths I ran into Malcolm (read Chubs and Chasers). He was with another chub and they were relaxing in the hot tub after another sex session. I lamented to Malcolm about the lack of guys (of any race) that are interested in Asians. Malcolm listened in sympathy and suggested I look for guys on one of those websites where men look for casual sex. With nothing else to lose, I decided to go on-line. I used the search tool and typed in "Looking for GAM". I only came up with only one ad, and it was five years old.
Before I continue, I want to make something very clear. I am not saying that GWM (Gay White Men) should sleep/date GAM (Gay Asian Men) because it is politically correct. I really believe that nobody chooses attraction. It is just a preference. White men have been conditioned from birth to be attracted to their own race. There is nothing wrong with that. Nor am I saying that I (the author) want a white guy, and that I sound like sour grapes.
That is not the point to these essays. The point is that Gay White Men (who make up 95% of the dating pool in gay community) see Gay Asian Men as totally worthless, undesirable and completely invisible. And the sooner, we as Asian Men accept that and move on, the happier we will be. GAM chase after GWM to fill up the emptiness inside of them, the disease to please. Fellow brothers, we need start building our self-esteem and confidence. We need to open our minds and look to the person, regardless of the race. Find someone who can really appreciate our beauty and what we have to offer. As I said before, don't be a Potato Queen!
I've written about how GWM don't get turned on by GAM their same age. (For related links, scroll to the bottom of this page) This is by far the most hotly debated topic on my website. Of all of the men who have signed my Guestbook, I've received dozens and dozens of messages on this subject. No other essay I've written about even comes close to this debate that is raging on my website. A day does not go by where somebody doesn’t sign my Guestbook to comment on this topic. Mostly young GAM writing to me say thank-you, for giving us a voice. In fact no white guy (who isn't a self-proclaimed Rice Queen and/or over 40) has written me to disagree with my essays on this subject. If you scroll down to view the poll that is being conducted, over 80% of GWM say they prefer to sleep with their own race. OVER 80%!
Right now, I'm going to share some comments on this topic from GWM and GAM around the world.
City/Country: New York, USA
I somehow got to your "racisms" page while searching on Google for a bathhouse (as in hot spring) in upstate New York… But I read it and I had to write to you. As a gay Asian male, I can relate too much of what you are saying. I am honestly better looking than 98.8% of the population--and because I always thought I was good-looking, I began body building in high school & I now have a body of a gay (White) porn star.
(To view Tim’s body, which he says is rejected by mediocre (his words) white guys on a regular basis, click here)
Having said all that, my experience hasn't been all that different from yours in many situations. Normally, I do okay with good-looking men (of all races and ethnicities) because I have my own circle of friends from the gym etc. and they know me as a person--which often makes my ethnicity less of a "turn off" and more "doable" to them, I think. But when I am alone in a bar etc., I can definitely tell you, lots of young mediocre White guys think they actually get to ignore me! But, the fact is that I, an Asian male, am out of their league! This whole trend is unfortunate--and, although I hate to blame the victim, it doesn't really help when good-looking Asian guys are often seen with ugly elderly White men… This is depressing me. It sucks.
Name: Jimmy Lee
I have read a few of your stories and admire the sense of honesty you bring to them. However, as I was reading I couldn't help but feel frustrated at how completely the author has bought into the stereotypes and generalizations fostered upon gay Asian men. Particularly, I point to the story Rice Queens…where the moral of the story is that given a Hobson's choice --a horny white guy would rather fuck a retard than an Asian. Have you ever considered maybe that white guy had a fetish for retards? To put it in terms of rejection is framing oneself as a victim. And even worse, complicit acceptance of western values of beauty. Shame on you. I too am Chinese but I am proud of my almond eyes and flat face. And by the way, I don't have any problems attracting extremely good-looking white guys.
Name: Tim (same author as above)
City/Country: New York, USA
Going back to the "racism" issue--I can see how some Asians may write you a NASTY note. You see some of us are so clueless that we don't know we aren't accepted. Others, like you and I, are perhaps more attuned to the fact that we are treated as 2nd-class citizens, not based on our individual merits but due to our ethnic membership. I personally know a Filipino guy who THINKS he is an integral member of a bunch of White guy friends, not realizing that these people are totally making fun of him & they don't even consider him a friend. They'd make him pay for things, though. He'd much rather go out with them and pay their cover charges (one can expect pay something like $20 just to get in a club) than be with us, who treat him with dignity. And you KNOW these guys just make him buy them drinks and then eventually disappear… It's really sad, but some people just CHOOSE to be blind about these things, and get mad at us for pointing out the obvious/inevitable.
It doesn't really upset me as much as it would/should, because I don't find White guys attractive to begin with… So being ignored by some ugly White boy doesn't affect my life all that much--although it certainly is unpleasant to be rejected because they are White and I am Asian. Do you like Latinos? African-Americans? Middle-Eastern? Asians? They typically don't buy into the whole ugly "China man with a small penis" Notion prevalent among young White boys. They, to me, are much better looking than White boys, and, more importantly, they are able to relate to our experience of being excluded/rejected for our ethnicity. I have dated some White boys, but they totally bugged me because they were so culturally clueless!
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