Open Relationships
Open Relationships

Open Relationships. There comes a point in any long-term gay relationship that a change is needed. While a couple can love each other, and cannot imagine a life without each other, the sex can get stale. In short, couple's need to have new sexual experiences outside the relationship. To try new things, experiment and get a taste of someone new. All gay relationships evolve to a new level sooner or later. This level is called - the Open Relationship.

Now, everyone knows what an open relationship is, but for all you newbies (newly out of the closet) who do not know, I will explain. As I mentioned, sex between two men can get boring after a few years. If each party is willing, they can seek out new sexual experiences outside the relationship. But there are ground rules that each party must follow.

Here are the most common rules that I have heard. Each party will NOT tell the other about what experience they have had. Each party MUST practice safe sex at all times (some couples even have a no anal rule).

Each party CANNOT bring someone home. Finally, if either one of the parties is out of town, permission is given that either party can seek out a new sexual experience. Now I bet you are wondering what this has to do with the baths. Well some couples take it one step further; some couples actually go to the baths together to seek out new experiences. Or some guys just go to the baths solo, behind their partner's back simply to have a quickie with someone else. I will give you some observations I have seen over the years.

Jay goes to the baths at least once a week. Jay and his partner make a day out of it. On the weekend, they will get up, go for brunch, do some shopping and then at 4 PM, they go their separate ways. One of them goes to one bathhouse, and the other goes to another. Jay is somewhat attractive; he has a receding hairline, hairy all over, and a nice body. But man does he ever score, especially with some really gorgeous guys. It is not uncommon for him to score at least three times each visit. In my observations at the baths, there are just some men who luck out. They have this certain something about themselves that just pulls people to them. Jay is like that. He does not have to leave his room. He just lies there and men go to him. Jay and his partner spend 8 hours (4PM to Midnight) at separate bathhouses, and then they go home. They never say to each other how it went or what happened. Moreover, in seven days, it will start all over again.

As I had mentioned a lot of guys go to the baths solo, with or without their partner's permission. One time at the baths I saw this cute guy staring at me. I smiled back and within five minutes we were in my room. He was like a man who had not eaten in weeks! He sucked me, he rimmed me, and he licked me all over. UNBELIEVEABLE! This went on for an hour and a half. Finally he just exhausted himself, and we both came. In the afterglow he told me about his relationship with his boyfriend. His partner has a heart condition so serious that he cannot overexert himself it by making love. The only things they can do are to kiss and hold each other. So the boyfriend (with the heart condition) allows his partner to go to the baths once a month, simply to get off. Sex only once a month, no wonder why he was so starving!

But some couples do go to the baths together. One couple I know will each purchase a room, but makes sure that each room is extremely far away from one another. Then they do their own thing, oblivious to each other. In their interactions together at the baths, a person looking in from the outside would mistake them as friends, rather than partners. One of the men in the relationship, told me that either party can go on the prowl solo at the baths, but only if the other person is out of town. I do not have the heart to tell him that I have seen his partner solo at the baths, even when neither person was out of town.

Now not all couples will want to be separated from each other. It is not uncommon to see a committed couple sprawled on a bed, watching guys pass by their room. The couple lies there in hopes of attracting someone both men like for a "threesome". Or they will prowl the baths together, in the hopes of finding someone to be a "third". In a lot of couple's minds, a threesome is not adultery. If both parties are together, engaging and experimenting with the same person, at the same time, then for some reason it does not feel like cheating. Both parties in question know what the other person is doing at all times. As well, it is in a controlled environment, monitored by each other. Many times in a threesome, one of the parties will sit back and watch his partner get in on with someone else. That is just as much a turn-on as having sex.

So for some couples, a threesome is the only amount of openness in their relationship. However, with one particular couple I see at the baths, the ground rules are somewhat stretched. This couple goes to the baths together, primarily looking for a third party. Sometimes one of the parties sees a cute guy, but the other party is not interested. So solo activity is allowed. A friend I know at the baths had encountered this couple. The friend in question prefers one-on-one action, not really into threesomes. He likes to be totally intimate and giving to one person at a time. But he found both guys hot and was in a real dilemma. The solution He slept with both of them separately! He spent an hour with one guy, took a half hour break, afterward hooked up with his partner for another hour!

Other couples looking for a third party take a different approach. They will actually have sex openly in the shower, porn room, or even the sauna area. When a couple engages in sex so openly, they hope to attract other guys to join in for a threesome. The other day I saw a couple arrived at the baths together. Once undressed they immediately started to engage in oral sex right in the porn room. They just walked in and started to do it. One guy was on his knees, while the other guy was sitting down, enjoying the moment. Soon other men joined in, and the twosome quickly turned into a fivesome! But the fun did not end there. Once this couple finished, they picked themselves up and went searching the bathhouse for more threesomes. By the end of their stay at the baths they managed to have group sex in the steam room, sauna, whirlpool, orgy room, and even the TV lounge room. At one point they had even had sex in their room, with the door wide open and the lights on for everyone to see. It was their hope that some hot guy would join them in their room. You really have to be a pure exhibitionist, not to mind other men watching you have sex so openly. But be warned, not all couples will accept just anyone to join their party. You can try, but if you get pushed away, back off. They are not interested in you. You would be wasting your time following them around the bathhouse hoping to continue this interlude. If you get rejected for a group encounter, just accept it gracefully and move on to search for someone else. You will make yourself look desperate, by following a couple around that has no interest in you.

Just recently, this same couple I just wrote about, took things to the ultimate level. Now the bathhouse that I go to has everything you can possibly imagine, including a sling room (think leather and S&M). This couple rented time in the sling room, and invited their respective "F" buddies along for a hot foursome. There was Crisco, there was water and juice, there was cocaine, and there were even c--k rings for maximum longevity (I peaked in the doorway for a split second). There were sweating bodies, and moaning and groaning. When it was all over, the two F**K buddies left, and the couple went into the whirlpool, and held each other the longest time. It was actually touching to see (them in the whirlpool).

But not all men are open to an open relationship. When I related this last story to one of my friends at the baths, he was appalled (he is currently single). In that situation, he would be absolutely devastated to see his partner make out with someone else. It is adultery, plain and simple. But I cannot tell you how many people I have met, and even slept with that were in relationships. In a lot of gay men's minds, sex and love are two separate things. For heavens sake, I have even run into my psychoanalysis at the baths, and he is a gay man in a ten-year relationship! We just had a short hello, and went our own separate ways. When I saw him in his office, I did not bring it up. I just felt it was none of my business. At least I do not have to wonder what he looks like with no clothes on. Now I know.

13 thoughts on “Open Relationships”

  1. We met our fourth husband – a gorgeous blond with a beautiful and thick solid 9 incher who was also a fishfucker – at the 8709 baths in WeHo on Christmas Eve!

  2. This is a great website! I am very open in sex and went to gay saunas sometime. Although I haven’t finished your articles yet, I have same feelings about GAM and opening relationship.

  3. My partner is suggesting an open relationship. But I have many fears about this. I think your article puts me more at ease, but I still need some time to process this.

  4. I’ve read a good portion of your journal in my first sitting. I enjoy how you write and your comfortability rubs off on me. Next week my ex-lover (currently our 9th year) is returning to me. I haven’t seen him in over a year (he lives in a far city). I think he may finally understand that Love and sex are two different things. He is 7 years younger and I broke it off to let him go to explore all the wild things I did when I was his age. I could see he wanted to live it … I just did the wise thing. I let him run away. He has done things I would find uncomfortable doing myself, but he has found himself alone and miserable after about two years. We’ve always loved each other, but now I think he’s more willing to listen and may understand sex is not love. I have a number of ground rules, some of which you wrote about, that I would be discussing with him. It will be good to see him. It was also good to see my own good common sense validated by your journal. I feel my position is now somewhat stronger. Accolades from this 43-year-old white gay man. However, you do have some growing up to do yourself (regarding men in their 40s). I look forward to reading more of your journal.

  5. Hey guy, loved your stories, thanks for sharing, sorry to hear that so few white boys show and interested . . I’d eat ya up in a second! Then again, I was born and raised in Hawaii, I’m in a LTR with a hot Filipino guy, best friends from high school and college are both Asian, have a hot three way affair going with an Asian and white boy couple and prefer to dance dance with the hot Asian guys when out clubbing . . . guess that makes me a rice queen . . a term I HATE, I just find Asian guys (prefer the more masculine over the femme twinks) damn hot and less stuck on themselves! Just thought I’d share . . . .

  6. You said in, “Open relationships”, that you ran into your “psychoanalysis” at the baths. Are you actually in psychoanalysis? How many times a week do you go?

    I wonder how much good you could be getting out of it if you don’t mention potentially incendiary happenings like running into your analyst at the baths? I’d have been shriveled for a month afterward! Of course, my analyst was straight…

  7. You seem like a nice guy. I have been in a 1 to 1 relationship for 10 years now (a year for every inch he`s got!). So we don`t use condoms. But if I were to have sex with anyone else, then I would. (But I`m not!)

  8. Loved your site. My love and I met in a bathhouse 10 years ago. We’re monogamous, have been the whole time. Great stories, but I regret you shy away from relationships. They are so much more fun that sleeping alone every night. Best wishes! T.

  9. Couldn’t stop reading all of your entries, keep up the great stories. You are right on the mark with some of your observations. You make me feel better about going to the baths. It’s amazing how many guys never want to mention that they go to the baths. Well I am proud to say I met my partner at the baths and it has opened a lot of honesty in our relationship. Thanks again for the great insight.

  10. You are so frank, it’s wonderful. Very interesting what you said about open relationship. I think it must be hard to deal with it on an emotional level. But I can see the advantages of a nice relationship with the excitement of casual sex. Cheerio, Nadjib.

  11. I just thought i would say that my partner and i have very different taste. We have found a bathhouse can be fun for both of us at the same time. We share a room, and whoever enters. Lots of people find two Latino’s a real turn on, so there is no lack of interest. The rules we have set up are really basic. We only go together, and do things together, while at the bathhouse. Neither one of us goes solo. It works for us.

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