Sex With Clothes On
While many gay men are fascinated by the concept of the baths, there are just as many men that are wary. For gay men who are unsure about what lies on the other side, it can be very intimidating. So the most common question I am asked:
Is it is possible to go to the baths, just as an observer. Without the worry of getting hit on?
The answer is yes, and here is how to do it. Keep all of your clothes on. Sex With Clothes On.
There is no rule written in stone that says you must take off all of your clothes when you visit the baths. As mentioned in the essay Accessories some men like to accessorize their towel look with a few items, like a T-shirt. But there are a small majority of men who like to keep fully clothed. By staying dressed they are sending a strong signal to other guys that they are off limits. Being clothed is the sign for hands-off. That is because other bathhouse patrons are unsure if the clothed customer is a hustler, works at the baths, or is just an observer. I have always felt that when a guy keeps his clothes on, it is an issue of control. He wants to control whatever sexual situation he might find himself in. The clothes act as a barrier, almost like a shield, between himself and his sexual partner. Both cannot get to close to each other, so the sexual liaison is detached and clinical.
But keep this in mind. If you decide to stay clothed during your visits to the baths, you will have to be the aggressor if you want any action. If you are naked like everyone else, that puts you on an equal footing. But if you stay dressed, you are signaling that you are unapproachable.
For instance, as mentioned in the essay Eye Contact, I remember one year I saw a GORGEOUS and MUSCULAR blond guy who looked like he was a porn star. He kept his jeans on, but was shirtless, and wore sunglasses. It was the summer, and during that season, the bathhouse feels more like a pool house. Men would come in and out from the outdoor patio and pool. They would be completely naked or be wearing a towel, having spent time either swimming or tanning (yes, the bathhouse I go to does allow nude tanning and swimming!) The blond guy stood in the hallway for an hour. Finally he came up to me (that approachable face again) and asked me what was wrong with all these guys? Excuse me, I said? He started to tell me he was from out of town, and stopped by to check out the bath situation in my city. He could not understand what was wrong with all of the local guys? Why was no one approaching him? I explained to him that #1 by wearing sunglasses, no one could make any eye contact to see where his interest lay. #2 with his jeans on, he is giving the signal that he is not to be approached, and is probably only interested in receiving a blowjob. #3 with his looks and incredible body, a lot of guys think they are out of his league. But mainly it was the signal he was projecting, "I am unapproachable". He thought for a second and then said, "Nah, It must be the guys here." And with that he left to go to another bathhouse.
You must be scratching you head wondering just how men have sex, where one is fully dressed. Remember the guy who stays dressed is in total control of the situation. In short, he is being selfish. He is using the other person like a plaything, for his own sexual gratification. And by staying dressed, the other person cannot even get close (again that intimacy issue). It is not like you are both taking turns pleasing each other. They guy who is clothed is getting exactly what he wants.
But there are other reasons why some other guys stay dressed. Other than the control issue, many guys do not want to give themselves totally to a complete stranger. By staying dressed, many men are keeping their sexual encounters as quickies. As mentioned in previous essays, many guys want to save intimacy for a future boyfriend. Remember we are not dealing with the Heterosexual world here. We are dealing with the Homo world, where things are reversed. In the gay community you can get blown or laid anywhere. But true body-to-body intimacy, like kissing, many gay men want to save that for someone they truly care about. Hence, the lack of kissing at the baths.
For instance, (as written about in the lunch special), there are many high-powered businessmen who stop by the baths, just to get a blowjob. No intimacy is established, no names are exchanged, and no connection is made. All these businessmen want is a blowjob. They do not care who gives it. And most of these businessmen are straight! If their wife or fiancée finds oral sex disgusting, where else are these men going to get it? Bingo! They head to the baths. It is a lot cheaper (and more discreet) to go to the baths searching for a blowjob, than hiring a hooker to do the deed. $60 for a hooker vs. $4 for the special rate during lunch at the baths. Just for a five-minute blowjob. That is almost like a buck a minute. These (straight) businessmen stay dressed in their Armani suits, while walking the hallways looking for a blowjob. The only thing different is that their fly is wide open, with their dick hanging out. That is the signal that all they want is a blowjob. So no one gets the wrong idea. They just walk up and down the halls until someone blows them. Some even carry poppers with them so they can even enjoy ejaculation that much more. After ejaculation, these businessmen pee (to avoid any STDs), zips up the pants and heads out the door. No fuss, no muss, no cleanup. In and out of the baths in 15 minutes, satisfied with the blowjob.
Or you might have the reverse happen. A fully clothed guy interested in oral sex, might only want to be the one doing the blowing. By staying dressed he to is also controlling the sexual liaison so that he does not get touched in anyway. The guy who is clothed will go from room to room blowing guys. By staying dressed he is keeping it as detached as possible. I remember once this guy came into my room, fully dressed, and spent the next hour rimming and sucking me. I tried to persuade him to take his clothes off, but he refused. I even physically tried to pull the clothes off, but he resisted, saying that sucking me was all he wanted to do.
Then you have the gay men who are truly paranoid about getting an STD or any other germs they think are prevalent in a bathhouse environment. On the one hand these men desperately need sex. But on the other hand they are truly paranoid about what is lurking in the air at the baths. When people think of the baths, images of a dirty, scummy place come to mind. So by staying fully clothed, it is a way for these men to protect themselves (they think) from all of the nasty bodily fluids that are circulating at the baths. I remember one time a fully clothed guy who came into my room. He felt my body, we kissed and cuddled. All the while he was clothed and I was naked. It was pretty awkward to say the least. And I remember another person who actually brought brand new garbage bags to store his clothes in his locker. That is how paranoid he was about what bugs and germs may lurk at the baths. But he is not the only one. You always see many men wearing some sort of footwear, when they are walking the halls of the baths in their towel. And most of these men are Asians because they are truly paranoid about what they may pick up. Some of these Asian men go further than that by wearing socks and shoes, which just looks silly.
You also have men who start out fully dressed, but by the end of their stay at the baths they get undressed like everyone else. As I had mentioned above, sometimes all a guy wants is to blow someone, hence staying dressed. But sometimes during these interludes, both men get so turned on by each other, clothes start flying off. This can especially happen when a guy has just arrived at the baths or is about to leave the baths. All gay men like to survey all of the rooms upon arrival, before getting undressed. This is just to see who is around.
A fully clothed guy might spot a guy he likes, figures why waste time and just goes for it. Or someone is dressed and ready to leave the baths, and then spots someone he missed earlier. It is not uncommon to see a guy exit somebody room, almost naked, carrying a bunch of clothes with him. It happens more often than you think. I still remember when I eavesdropped on a couple that had a room next to mine. It was summer and at first I heard the gurgles of somebody blowing someone. Then I heard one of the guys taking his clothes off. First I heard the guy removing his shorts and underwear together. I still remember hearing the jangling of the belt and keys in the pocket. Then I heard him pulling his shirt over his head and kicking off his sandals. Finally I heard the sound of him getting on top of the other guy and start kissing him. That was almost ten years ago, and I still remember it, because it still turns me on.
When I arrive at the baths I can't wait to get naked, and put on my towel. It gives me such a feeling of freedom and relaxation. With the exception of the towel, I do not like wearing any other type of clothing at the baths. Even sandals, I tried wearing them, but it just made me feel clothed. Again, I love that feeling of nakedness, and wearing any type of footwear defeats that feeling. Sometimes I forget that I am at the baths, naked and surrounded by other naked men. That is how comfortable I have gotten with my nakedness. But being almost naked does have its drawbacks. Some guys I have known at the baths have picked up foot fungus, crabs (from the steam room) and other types of virus (like the flu). Those are all very common bugs, you can pick up when you are interacting with naked men on a tri-weekly basis at the tubs.
I have to say for me, that in over ten years of going to the baths, I have never picked up anything. No crabs, no foot fungus, no STD, nothing. I guess I must be under a lucky star.