The Out of Towners
The Out of Towners

Every time a three day long weekend rolls around a steady stream of Out-of- Towner's always pass through the doors of the baths. Whether it is the Labor Day weekend or Easter, it is still the same for tourists who are gay (single or couples). The trip would not be complete without a visit to the local baths. These are the out of towners.

Now here is a statistic for you, there are some people who will stay at the baths for the entire long weekend. Think about it, renting a room, even for an entire day is a lot cheaper than a hotel room. Typically these men who come and stay for the long weekend are from small rural towns that surround the city. These small towns hardly have any gay community. There are even some cities in the United States that have made baths illegal. Typically, every long weekend, men from surrounding towns and borders make the trek into the city and make a mini-vacation out of it. There are some men who travel the long distance because they cannot experience the bath culture on a regular basis in their tiny town. While there are other men who are not 'out' in their small community, and make the long drive with the sole purpose of getting laid.

When you rent a room for three days it gives you in and out privileges, so you can come and go as you please - just like living in a hotel with all of the amenities. Every Bathhouse in North America features the same things. There is a communal shower area along with sinks and toilets. Also, there is a wet area that features a steam, sauna, and whirlpool. When you rent a room, you have a bed, a little closet and a small night table. There are two lounge areas, one with porno flicks playing and the other with regular TV. You have got a snack bar with some food and coffee. But if you do not like that, you can get dressed to go out and buy something, or you can order out and get delivery right to the baths! And to top it off, there are naked bodies running around, right in front of your eyes, 24/7 during your stay at the baths. No wonder why so many men check into the baths for the long weekend.

For example I know of one person, who comes from a small town not just during a long weekend, but every weekend. He is a television reporter working on his craft in a small local station, with dreams of making it at the network level. To achieve his dream, he has to work his way up. Subsequently the small town that he works in has a gay population of one - him. So to combat that, every Friday after the 6:00 newscast, he jumps in his car and drives three hours into the city - just in time for happy hour at the gay bars. He checks into the baths first, and then makes a weekend of bar/club hopping, drinking and as much sex he can squeeze in, mostly with men he runs into at the baths. He even manages to find time with the gay volleyball league on Sunday Mornings. Then on Monday morning, he will get up at 5 AM to drive back to the small town he works in. In seven days the cycle will start all over again.

Then there are the other tourists who come and just stop at the baths to see what it is all about. Just as any tourist, who would stop at the local gay bar, gay restaurant, gay bookstore and even the gay coffee shop, a visit to a new city would not be complete without checking out the local gay baths. They come either solo or as a couple, who are probably in an open relationship. The most bizarre thing for me is that I have had the best sexual experiences at the baths with people who are out of town. I remember one sunny, hot Saturday afternoon, I ran into a lawyer from the South. He had a great southern accent and was in town for a weekend conference. He had a few hours to kill before meeting with other delegates for dinner. I found him quite cute, but it is always been my experience that men who like to talk to me, do not necessarily want to sleep with me. So we spent two hours together talking in the lounge, sauna, whirlpool, and even outside on the patio deck, catching a few rays. I did feel that he was cruising me (his foot touched mine in the whirlpool, but I thought maybe he just brushed past me by accident). I have been wrong so many times in the past, I just forgot about it. Then he had to go, so I walked him to his room. Suddenly he pulled me in for a goodbye hug. As he was hugging me, I could feel his erection and then he shut the door. The lovemaking was wonderful, but I could not help berating myself for the time we wasted by talking. Two hours of getting to know one another, could have been used making love. But on the other hand since I got to know him on that intimate level, the lovemaking was even more passionate than I have experienced in the past with other men.

Since some of the best sexual experiences I have had with men are out-of-towners, about a third of them are in an open relationship and the other third are married and in the closet. With the men who are in an open relationship, some couples have a rule that if either party is out of town, they can fool around (read Open Relationships for more on the rules). And boy do some of these men take advantage of it. Instead of wasting time cruising at a gay bar, they can cut right to the chase and score with up to five men at a bathhouse. While the closeted married men who are in town for a conference or convention, they do not have to be worried about anyone "seeing them" in a gay bar trying to pick someone up. A bathhouse is out of the way, secluded and behind closed doors. There is no worry about getting caught in the act. (Read Married Men for more)

What is so fascinating about these out-of-towners is that you get to meet some of the most interesting new people. I have met people from not just across the country, but also from around the world. You get to hear what their gay community is like and how it compares to the gay community they have visited in my city. You also hear how the baths are like in other countries like Great Britain, Germany, Poland even Hong Kong.

So if you are looking for a cheap place to stay on your next trip, try looking up the local bathhouse. Even though you are away from home, you will definitely be in a familiar atmosphere.

12 thoughts on “The Out of Towners”

  1. Just wanted to say thank you for this blog. My town’s not exactly a center of gay culture, but a new club opened here earlier this year. Though not exactly a “bath house,” (It has no shower/sauna facilities) it is a sort of men’s club. This website helped me work up the courage to visit!

  2. Enjoyed reading your stories and experiences about bathhouses. I am one of those out of Out-Of-Towner’s you refer to. I live in a small town and am in the closet so the bathhouses in Houston, Austin and Dallas are my only chance to have man-to-man sex. I can accept that you’re experience with Caucasian men have given you a certain viewpoint; I disagree about the GAM thing. I enjoy Asian men and Hispanics men. I often look for 30-45 year old GAM because they are lots of fun and normally are not just looking for a quickie. But it may be different where you are. Enjoy your essays. Have had many of the same reactions and experiences. Hope to read all of them as time permits.

    1. Ottawa used to have two bathhouses open 24/7, one in the basement of 1069 Wellington and the other in an unmarked building at 487 Lewis. The one on Wellington got taken over by a bathhouse chain and cut back its hours (so no more option to stay overnight on a weekday), while the other was sold to a local gay bar and apparently has been going downhill ever since (also cutting back its hours, but racking up mostly negative online reviews – no idea if they’re even still ‘up’ as the website no longer resolves and I’m, uh, out of town…)

      When these were 24/7, they were marginal as somewhere to sleep. Bring your own blanket (they supply just a towel and a bedsheet), sleep in what is little more than a wooden cubicle with a mattress (the walls don’t reach the ceiling), constant noise, often second-hand smoke (although that’s less tolerated now and good riddance, the average bath house is a barely-compliant firetrap of wooden partitions and no windows). No amenities to speak of, really. They were, however, half the price of the worst motel in the city.

  3. Great reading ! How very true everything you say. I am what you call the “Out of Towner” and I have had casual encounters with GAM’s. I’ll be frank … I would not see myself in a LT relationship with a GAM but GAM’s have the PERFECT body type for me. Hard, smooth and great shapes. The personality is the greatest. Age 44 and in great shape!

  4. Your stories are WONDERFUL! Thanks so much for putting your journal on the web. I am here in NYC visiting. . on business. . . .I am an attractive GBM from the SOUTH. . .I have NEVER, EVER been to a BATH. Would love to have the opportunity to visit one before I leave on Sunday morning. Do you have a suggestion for a FIRST-TIMER. . .and any advice for a FIRST-TIMER! I look forward to your reply

  5. I used to stay all night at a certain bath and brought pajamas (contrary to your statement it is somewhat cool in some baths!) to keep warm. I had upscale oriental cotton pajamas. Again, I had only worn them to take naps in. Well, I found out that pajamas seemed to turn on some people wildly. It seemed that this one guy saw me as WASP to the bone or something and was mesmerized by me in pajamas. I really couldn’t believe it. (Age at the time 32).

  6. Hi, I have been reading your stories for some time. I really like your writings. I often visit bathhouses in many countries, Taiwan, China, Brazil, Argentina, US (many cities). The places I like the most are Taiwan and Beijing. I am interested in knowing more about you

  7. I love going to the baths in St Louis, Chicago, and Indy. Everything you say is right on the money. I go every Saturday night. I teach H.S. so I also go on holidays. On holidays there are usually some very hot flight attendants there on layover. The last time in Chicago, I met two gorgeous Germans. We had a very hot time. I have been going for many years, after the divorce from my wife. I have a great body so I am very lucky at the tubs. I do like Asian boys who are in good shape. They are always respectful and I find that extremely sexy. Do you want to find someone with whom you can have all-out mind-blowing sex? Or are you satisfied with the kind of sex you’re having now? I enjoyed your stories. Unfortunately, they are true. I can attest to that. Keep up the great personal narratives.

  8. I have recently gone out to gay bars and clubs to fool around with guys but I would really like to fool around in a bath house. I have seen some examples from Tales Of The City and Queer As Folk. I have been to Bijou on 4th st. but I would like to be around other naked guys. I am 21 yo and will practice safe sex no matter where I am at. If you could suggest a place Manhattan or nearby, could you tell me, thanks. thanks for the stories on your site, very helpful and responsible writing.

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