Body Vs Race
Body Vs Race

But many GAM still refuse to accept their low standing in the gay community. They are convinced if they buff up, white guys will accept them. So you have GAM working their bodies hard and eating almost nothing to achieve the perfection that is seen in the gay white community. You see so many GAM at the gym religiously, hoping to emulate the white boy body, thus being accepted. But even after a GAM achieves a perfect body, we still do not get any respect from GWM. It really blows my mind when I continually see white guys at the baths who are overweight, average looking, even with major acne problems ignoring good-looking, toned GAM, simply because they are a different race. At the baths, these mediocre overweight gay men will chase after other white guys, who are out of their league, rather than a good-looking Asian. Or they will hook up with each other, simply because they are the same race. All the while there are these muscular GAM at the baths, standing around and not even getting noticed! So what I am concluding is that GWM are not body obsessed, but rather race obsessed. I know of one very muscular Asian guy (Tim from GWM & GAM Speak Out!) that tells me:

“In that sense, I think it doesn’t hurt that I have a nicer-than-average body, in terms of “them” liking me. But, it is my feeling that many young non-rice-queen White gays are so preoccupied with the category, Asian, and with the idea of “Asian men = small (penis) = not sexy = undesirable = undoable = don’t want to be seen with Asian guys,” that how I look as an Asian individual makes no difference. Since they can’t see beyond the category, being buff is not even noticeable to these people.”

(To view Tim’s body, which he says is rejected by mediocre (his words) white guys on a regular basis, click here)

GAM who do not work out are separated into two body types: Bone-thin or pleasantly plump. However, there are also many GWM who fall into the exact same body type. And these GWM do not have any problems finding companionship at the baths, while GAM with the same body type are completely ignored. For instance I see a lot of bone-thin anorexic looking white guys at the baths and they do not seem to have any problems finding sex at the baths. These guys are considered Abercrombie & Fitch types. While many GAM with the exact same body type, are not even considered on the same wavelength. A toned, muscular GAM will face more discrimination in the gay community than an overweight GWM would. In fact, I see very little difference between the gym and the baths, in terms of the politics and culture between gay men. If wanted to know how it feels like at the baths, without actually going, just go to your nearest gym. It is exactly the same. All of the GWM stick together, talk together, and work out together. None of the GWM even bothers with, speaks to, or even looks at any GAM. These GWM are even friendlier to white men over sixty than a GAM in their own age bracket!

This is what I am concluding. If a gay man desperately wants to get off at the baths (Read When Desperation Sinks In) and has to choose between a perfect body and a guy ethnic background, race will win out every time. The proof of this is the bathhouse for Rice Queens. I see so many good-looking, toned, muscular Asian men all standing around waiting for someone to notice them. While at the same time many of the white patrons (regardless of age or body type) are getting laid by record numbers. And again, just scroll up to look at Tim body, which he says is ignored by many mediocre GWM. In fact once when I was at the baths, I overheard this guy say, “Why are all the Asians here? Why do not they go to the (bathhouse for Rice Queens)?” Think that was an isolated incident? I do not have to remind you of the story I told in Rice Queens (being passed over for a retarded person).

See below to go to page two of this story

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77 thoughts on “Body Vs Race”

  1. A lot of white guys have a dislike for the uncut, and I have been told by a few non-whites, they much prefer a cut dick.

    It’s possible, Asians and Latino get profiled in this manner.

    The strong self-esteem issue you mention must come from the home. Start your search for answers there.

    1. Your comments have a very strange pattern. You’re just another one of those excessively opinionated White North Americans who has no business commenting on race. And save your excuse how one of your best friends is Vietnamese Americans. You people are so much like those Bogan Australians

  2. Wow! Reading this more than 15 years later (based on the first posted comment) I’m saddened to see that not much has changed. I served with MEN for almost 30 years. American MEN of all ethnic origins and races. Do I have a preference? Sure – I think we all do. But so I have an exclusion, HELL NO! Sexy, hot men come in all colors. Yes, I married a man taller than I am (he’s 6’6″ and I’m 6’4″). Yes, I married a man hairier than I am (he’s not wookie-hairy, but while I’m fuzzy blond from head to toe, he’s thick, dark-furred from head to toe). And yes, I married a man of my own race/ethnicity. But I’ve been a slut all my life before I met him, and I found black men, many types of asians, hispanics, native Americans and Eskimos and even Slavs (okay, I’m laughing at that one) attractive.

    I’ve always had trouble with the “I wouldn’t do a(n) _______” things I hear. I don’t get it. And I’ve observed what you write about and just shake my head. I have friends who are single and don’t want to be and wouldn’t have to be but they won’t accept someone who doesn’t fit their “mold” who’s crazy about them, whom they fuck regularly and even like a lot but just won’t. Weird.

    I also get the acceptance part about family or friends that was noted in the most recent comment in great detail. I will say this: I was once involved with a black guy, and I took him home with me on leave. Maybe I’m of the lucky few, or maybe I’m just a dumb jarhead, but I couldn’t wait for my mom and brothers to meet him, and I didn’t have a single thought about them not accepting him because he wasn’t lily white like us. And that was 30 years ago in what I now know was a very white town. Again, maybe I was just lucky – or stupid.

    My 25 year old stepson has an Asian boyfriend right now, and my husband and I think they’re an awesome couple and Jayson is a great guy. In fact, when we met Jayson’s parents – and they’re like a foot shorter than we are – my husband said afterward, “I totally forgot that Jayson was Japanese. When he said his parents emigrated here, my first thought was,’Oh, my grandparents came her from Europe,too.'” I wish people would remember that we’re HUMAN BEINGS first, and our ethnicity or race is more like our hair color or being left-handed.

  3. Hello. Good article, but I agree with most of the comments that have been posted that while some of your viewpoints may be valid, how you’re handling it is not very healthy, and you’re sample size is not very representative of the real world.

    One other point you made that made me chuckle is your claim “It seems to me that that GAM is at the bottom of the totem pole no matter what our bodies looks like.” My best friend, who is Vietnamese, and I have this debate all the time (I am a GBM). I usually say that black men are on the “lowest of the totem pole” because, as one commenter pointed out, there is the issue of the family not approving just because of my skin color. Also, at least in the US, there is a much more tumultuous historical relationship with whites and blacks, and both sides already bring in so many prejudices which is not healthy.

    Your basis and hence this article seems to be from a purely physical and lustful standpoint so it begs the question that would you want to be with someone who would be so shallow anyway (I mean all of our looks can change for the good or bad in an instant)? A few weeks ago I was at a bar in a small southern town, where race is still an issue, and this young black kid who frequents the bar scene (I think he was about 25, but a little overweight) was upset that his friend, who is white, balding, on the scrawny side, in his mid or late 30s, and who rarely goes out had a much better chance of hooking up with someone than he did. What I told him is that he needed confidence and self-assurance and need to develop a big “f*** you if you don’t like me” attitude. That night, I had a great time with the white friend because we had a conversation about other worldly things and not race, and we danced almost the entire night, and he told me that I probably have no problem picking up other guys of all races because I am confident. He’s right, I’m in my late 30s but intelligence and confidence go a long way. He also mentioned that he mostly sticks with white guys, but he was definitely attracted to me that night.

    I already know that not everybody is going to like me or be attracted to me, and vice-versa, and I know there are going to be haters that just hate. I think you need to understand that is reality but don’t let it get to you because you run he dangers of making some very false blanket statements like you have in this article. Please concentrate on finding someone who likes you for you and you doing the same (regardless of race, but just make sure you’re attracted to the person physically as well), instead of who’s lusting after you.

    Take care!

  4. Great article but it was really disturbing because it was the truth but more so the way you’re dealing with it.

    You’re LOOKING for acceptance; you’re looking to be desired. We are all-human and want to be wanted. And when people turn down that generosity, it really hurts.

    HOWEVER, the way you are dealing with it is not healthy. You’re getting angry & now comparing yourself to others, seeing where you rank.

    You need to grow up and stop seeking approval from others. Being sexy starts on the inside & shows on your outside. If you truly have a lot of sexual gifts to give, then go find someone who respects & appreciates it!

    Going to a bathhouse is just a meat market where we can make our fantasies come true. Go out and FIND that person or people who want GAM and you will feel so damn hot as you are.

    Darnel

  5. Great articles you have here. I may be being the typical naive white man so I do apologize in advance. I don’t see race as an issue at all, at least not with me. I’m 30yo 6’2 blonde hair blue eyed guy who is very toned and when I initially started going to the bathhouse I noticed that all the guys I was hooking up with looked exactly like me. it wasn’t because I wasn’t attracted to other races or body types, but young toned white men were the only ones approaching me. I’m open to all races as long as you are masculine! In the Fort Lauderdale and Orlando bathhouses there is a new wave of beautiful tall skinny masculine black boys popping up all over the place. So now I have been really into them. It’s all about confidence not race. If you allow others to be attracted to you than they will be. That means hit the gym!!

    1. Thanks for the warning; with the new arrival of Somali men on the Florida bathhouse scene, I definitely WON’T be going there.

  6. Great blog and posts. Helped me when I went today to a bathhouse for the first (and probably last) time. Your descriptions/advice helped.

    I think racism is prevalent everywhere, although I would think blacks would have as difficult a time as Asians, simply because of the racial history of this country. I also found your pessimistic post ironic, since I was rejected by everyone I encountered today, including an Asian. So much for “desperate Asians” (I’m white, for the record).

    1. You went on an ‘off-night’. Give it time, and try again. I guarantee some Asians will mob you, if you go again.

      1. Perhaps. I’m a bit overweight, so I’m not sure how “mobbed” I’d be. I like Asians though, so I’d be good with that.

  7. This really pisses me off when you (cute) asian men call yourselves worthless and un attractive!

    Jesus freaking Christ guys – I (and I KNOW I’m not the only one) find asian men VERY attractive.

    I’m rather upset because (believe it or not) – I’m turned down ALOT by asians! This ‘gotta please’ the old white guy is BS -period! Maybe you’re still living in the 90’s?

    Many many times my age (43) becomes a MAJOR deal breaker. I see young asians, and they almost always go with people NEAR their age.

    Do me a favor an take your head out from under that rock – and open your eyes wider while your at it – you should see what I mean.

  8. Just discovered your site and what a wonderful site. I have been going to bath houses all over the world since my early twenties. I am now 52. I’ve run the gamut of experiences and my role has altered dramatically. I am no longer the hunted. While good looking and in good shape, I am what I am….a middle aged man and that’s not for everyone. (sucks for me as I still like them young). One thing that hasn’t changed about me though is my preference for ethnic men or men of color and at the top of that list are Asian men. Don’t know why that is but I find nothing more sexy than a well maintained Asian boy.

  9. I often see more blacks, indians, and orientals in the morning hours wandering desperately through the aisles in the saunas. They are regarded the bargain sales at the end of the night. It’s no good moping and saying it’s unfair that they are not as desirable as white men because of their race. You can’t make people feel attracted to what they do not feel attracted to. White men in general feel more attracted to their own race. It’s nothing but natural. Why don’t gay asian males, black males, etc, look for partners of their own race then? Is it because they themselves fancy white men more than their own? It is very hypocritical condemning white men for having this predilection and not scolding your own ilk for this. You can’t condemn someone’s true sexual desire – even if it’s racist – because it’s nature. Sex doesn’t play along to the multi cultural propaganda tune.

  10. Thank you for the posting.

    I am a Chinese guy living with my Swedish boyfriend in Stockholm, Sweden.

    I have an average Asian look, dark hair and eyes about 175cm tall, whereas my boyfriend is a typical Swedish viking over 195cm tall.

    We fell for each other through the internet for 13 years ago. I found out shortly after we met, that he had never been dating an Asian before, but dark skinned Arab or black guys. I think being a Swede, he was curious about my foreign origin, let along my oriental background.

    But I do see your point and feel sad that this is the case.

  11. Race race race. Try the stigma of HIV on for size. Hercules wouldn’t get laid.

    Editor’s Note In my observations, good looking Poz guys are more desirable to gay men than attractive Asians. We can agree to disagree.

  12. Just had to say that I ended up with the same conclusions about your analysis about GAM and GWM.

    It makes me feel a little less alone. When I tried to talk about this phenomenon with my GWM friends, they all refuted. Then I talked with my GAM friends and they just said ”Let it drop, you are being insane”. I’m insane of seeing how things work in the gay community ?

    Since I was aware of this phenomenon, I have more self respect for myself and I love every color and ethnicity. It makes me a better and happier person.

  13. Hey. I stumbled onto your blog by chance. I am half Asian myself, and have to disagree with you on many of your observations, even if I overlooked the fact that most of your unpleasant encounters were in a bathhouse of all places. I have lived in the south and in the Midwest, and seldom have had any problems in attracting people of similar mindset and body type of all races, including Whites. From the age of 18 to 24 (now,) I have had two boyfriends, one was a smoking hot 23 y/o White male, and my previous one a 34 y/o Native American that would make you weak at the knees when he touched you. I was with my first one for 4 years, and my previous one over a year. Do you often leave the bathhouse and explore the actual world? Maybe you aren’t looking in the right places, or maybe you aren’t giving off the right vibes with positive energy. Much of the language on your blog was extremely negative; do you take that same attitude with you to the bathhouse?

    On the contrary to your belief, I think Asians could become very desirable in the dating world, but we are our own worst enemy. From birth we are taught by our Asian parents that school comes first, respecting and submitting to those of higher status (namely elders), and looking to honor and please is paramount. Though the parents mean well, this often leads to insecurities and desperation that dumbs down our standards on men. We feel we need to submit in order to receive respect and recognition. Gay guys of all races like men who act like men for the most part, otherwise what is the point of being gay? Guys can pick off these subtle vibes of doubt and pity deep within us a mile away, just like I can spot a flaming queen at pride.

    Whites are very proud people, and expect the same from potential mates. In other words, they like those who like themselves and are confident. You were told that attractiveness and looks count? They weren’t lying. Were you ever taught, though, that half of your attractiveness is the energy and confidence you give off?

    There are people out there that have preferences, and would not give you a second look, I’m not going to lie to you and sugar coat anything. There are people that wouldn’t give me a second look just because both of my parents weren’t White. That isn’t my problem nor yours, but there is nothing you can do to change it. They are entitled to their preferences, I don’t feel its bigoted. I personally don’t date Black men, but I do have Black friends, am I a racist? It’s not anymore their fault what type of person can give them a hard-on (an important part of sex), than it is our fault for what we were born as.

    As far as Asian stereotypes of young twinks with all these old nasty men, stereotypes are based on fact. Some bigot didn’t just come out of the woodwork and make it up for the hell of it. Whose fault is it, though, that these stereotypes exist? If you want change of our image in gay society, it must start with us. As for you, stop hanging out at the bathhouse almost everyday that really wouldn’t do well for anybody’s image to a prospective boyfriend. I would personally avoid somebody like the plague if I knew they’ve been frequenting a bathhouse for over a decade.

    I would love to talk more with you buddy. You have some great opinions and observations, however misguided I feel they are. I am genuinely sorry you haven’t had many good experiences, I really am. Please email me if you want to discuss my comment more at length. I would love to hear more of your stories and exchange some of mine.

    1. Where do you get this “Whites are very proud” nonsense? What a bunch of New Worlders and their odd thinking

  14. Do you still have this problem?Is it just the the bathhouses?

    What do other young GWMs, GBMs and GAMs say? specifically the black ones- I think a majority of white ones would have probably ignored it/you and forgot about said email/subject 15 seconds after closing email/window.

  15. I just read your comments on the GAM/GWM issue. This is something I’ve noticed and has been bugging me for a while. I’m 23 and mixed (half white/half Indian) and kind of look Hispanic. I tend to really like Asian guys but I feel like they mostly ignore me in search of older white guys. I’ve only dated a white guy, but mostly because white men find me attractive (as exotic…dark skinned, etc.) while Asians tend to look for white guys. Are there any Asian guys who go for something other than white? Or, without the skin color, am I doomed.

  16. I liked what you wrote in your essay! I really hate how gay guys objectify each other and not treat each other as individuals with feelings. I’m not just an Asian person, I’m a person different from everyone else. I don’t like to be liked/not liked based on my race and rather base it on my personality. I notice too there is more racism in the gay community. I have straight friends that don’t go saying “not into blacks” etc. But yet in the gay community race matters so much. It’s annoying. I’m glad you posted an essay like this and hope many others read it too!

  17. Being from a mixed race background (mum is Eurasian = Chinese + Caucasian and dad is Indian + Malay) I do agree with the author in a lot of ways however I would prefer to see it in a different light. Let me begin by sharing my experiences being gay in Malaysia.

    That kind of discrimination as detailed by the author, does not only apply to white men in terms of preferring their own kind, over here the Chinese would prefer to be with their own kind as would the Malays too. To me, that don’t mean that they are discriminative, how can I blame them when society has molded them that way (when we see something different which doesn’t fit into that perfect picture that we have in our minds we automatically shut it off or well if that doesn’t happen we get intrigued by it that would mean a new friend or maybe even a potential boyfriend.

    So where does that leave me a mixed parentage slim guy who is pleasant looking with a nice personality and financially stable. Well, I’ve had my share of advances and rejections from Chinese guy’s, Malay, Caucasians and etc however I must say that the only ones who are attracted to me are the ones who are not intimidated by me. As for white men or even men from other races, I have no problems with them and to be honest, I’ve had my share of advances from extremely good-looking ones with nice bodies and etc. However what I’ve notice is when that happens, i.e. a white guy comes up to me and chat me up at the bar, I automatically get noticed by other Asian guys which I find very weird somehow. Then again, that gets me nowhere by just unwanted attention.

    Well, what I am trying to say is no matter where we are in the world we must learn to respect, love and see ourselves in a positive light. You may be as good looking, successful of whatever as a white guy however if you don’t feel it what is the point? If someone tells you that you are not his type so be it, I mean imagine if the situation was reversed. I know I’ve had my share of good looking, well built men even Caucasian ones that I turn down only because there was no chemistry. So to say, we have our own preferences just as others do. So in conclusion I would rather be alone than try hard to fit in into something or somewhere or in some ways get approved for being me. So what if I’m not muscled or white or just don’t fit into a gay stereotype (that straight acting nonsense and all) Most importantly I am me and I have no problems being me. So guys I would appreciate it if you try finding happiness in being you. I find this phrase to be most of all truthful.

  18. Thanks for a well written and interesting website. I have only read about half so far and look forward to reading the rest. I am sorry that in your life people have had such a hang up about race — being a country made up almost entirely of immigrants, who historically treated their slaves and the indigenous population badly, I fear the U.S. citizens of today have inherited their own special societal problems in that area. I hope you would not experience the same feelings in UK, although some racism does of course occur. Come and visit us one day. You sound a really nice guy. One other thing: why do so many people like yourself call themselves Asian? I would never describe myself as simply European or Caucasian. I am English or British. In Asia the races of India, for example, are quite different people from the races of China or Japan and all the other ethnic groups that make up Asia.

  19. I’m just now starting to read through some of your stories and I must say I feel a bit sorry for you on your thoughts on race.

    I am a WHITE 34yo guy, and I’ve ALWAYS loved Asian guys. Most of the guys I’ve dated since I was 17 years old were Asian, probably 2/3rds of them. You portray whites as ONLY looking for other whites, and you couldn’t be any farther from the truth. It may be true that another white guy might be our first choice; it’s rarely our ONLY choice. I like all flavors, though I could never date a black man in a serious relationship only because I know my family won’t ever approve.

    Here’s why Asians get ignored, and you already said why: LOW SELF ESTEEM. People don’t want to deal with guys with issues, and because so many Asians have identity issues, you’re quickly passed by. As for ageists, older men will pursue Asian men for two different reasons. A- they are a sure bet, and B- older gay men historically refuse to accept that they get old and ugly.

    I like Asian guys because I find them attractive, at least cultrated ones. (I have lived in both the US and Canada fyi). I don’t like Asian guys with no sense of fashion, who don’t know how to speak English well, and who take reasonably good care of themselves. Out here in LA, you don’t see so many of them with such bad identity problems, but they still exist. Maybe you need to find a new city. My guess is you live in a town like Philadelphia, or even Toronto. That’s one city where I’ve really seen a huge problem with Asians being able to assimilate into a subculture.

    Asians can have it tough in the US (and CAN). It can be difficult to lose an accent. There’s rarely an “okay” looking Asian. He’s either hot or he’s not. God forbid he be overweight! Guys into Asians like small, tight, defined frames and smooth tanned skin. Asians hold onto that and maintain their youth much longer than other races, but unfortunately when the aging process hits, its almost never pretty or graceful.
    Asians know this is the reality, and their lack of self-confidence doesn’t necessarily come from having small cocks. First off, that’s not entirely true, and even if it does it doesn’t matter because they make fantastic bottoms!

    But it’s time for a reality check. Your take on whites only out for whites is outlandish and way off base, and I suggest you look a little deeper into yourself before you profess why you could be so good looking but nobody will have sex with you. They aren’t the problem…

    1. How typical- you’re one of those people who expect Asians to bottom. And why care so much about the language skills of new immigrants? And why expect people to assimilate into a low brow culture?? Hopefully you’ve changed your tune in the past 8 years, though it’s highly unlikely

  20. Just found your blog and I have to say that you have my undivided attention. As a GBM, I can understand a portion of what you go through with racist or preference. I have only read one blog entry so far but it was enough to get me to write a comment. I look forward to reading more about your adventures in the Baths and also reading your side of the story on the race card in the gay community. Take care of yourself

  21. I think people should just want what they want and not what others(either society or peers) tell them they SHOULD want. I think we should be prepared to recognize and embrace the shifting sands of desire- whichever direction they may drift.

  22. Hello, Thank you for having this blog; I do see your viewpoint wish you had some pics of yourself on here LOL. I lived in SF, LA, the Midwest, but now back in Dallas, TX. White guy 30 5’9 stocky 90% top, gained a little in the mid section but working out again and becoming fit, hairy chest clean-shaven all American type who started dating and sleeping with Asians when I was 22. Also started sleeping with Latin, Indians, Blacks, Brazilians, etc. (this is the same time I moved to California). I lived in San Francisco and did enjoy the rice patty and all the shapes and sizes and I do mean all as one of my one ex’s was 38 6’5 Taiwanese who had a leather fetish. And then there was another ex who was Vietnamese who was 5’6 and had a very notable 8×6 cock. I baths in SF are great but a lot of Asians are sticky rice there and get an attitude with white guy. I know I am cute don’t have a 6 pack but an open and caring face that most men like but since I was only 5’9 most SF Asians would say hi and the moment a 6 foot guy even if he was ugly or old they would do a bee line for him, that is one thing that get me mad its so odd that most Asians that I have seen in SF only go for older, taller and thinner or ever much fatter then me. I have much more to say but I don’t want to take up too much space so I’ll write some more later. Any Asians out there in Dallas? Let have some fun at the baths.

  23. Hello, nice work on the diaries will have to go in there some time next month. A bit of myself… I was born in what was Yugoslavia, republic of Serbia. By that I mean to say that I’m white of east-European birthright. Male. Now in Canada I’ve had some of best friends who were Asian. I always lot had a lot of respect and admiration of Asians…I don’t know where I got that. Now when I read the part about the race White male vs. Asian male thing I was shocked. I thought that you’re delusional, but after reading some comments here, it came out that I was the one misinformed. WOW (no not World Of Warcraft), I was surprised. Then again I never was someone who adhered to any specific group, I’m always bouncing around in a many sided dodge ball. I would like to say that I don’t agree with you, but the evidence is very contrary. Anyway, just wanted to wish you the best of luck and don’t settle for anything less than the one that makes you happy, not content, not socially acceptable, but happy. @+

  24. I read your blog years ago when you were going through rough times. glad to see you are still around. i used to live in Chicago and had the same issues as you. Well, I moved back to the Philippines almost 10 years ago. Here’s my tip, check out bath houses here in Asia. you will find there is a definite market for attractive Chinese looking guys…among the attractive set too…and the whole politics of race, sexuality and what not is a moot point..am just so glad i am out of that world that i left…i always say, for every self hating GAM who is exclusive white only, there is at least a 100 GAM in Asia who will not touch white meat…

  25. One day, you’ll realize that being a gay man has no race, no nationality, and that ethnicity is superficial. There is no ‘love’ at a bathhouse, although there’s lots of affection, and sensuality along with just sex-as-a-bodily function. I’ve read and re-read your stories and experiences, and I don’t want to invalidate your feelings.

    You can really choose how you’re going to feel on any particular day, and face it with positive or neutral or negative feelings as a matter of choice. The choice is yours, and must be made by you, rather than being controlled as though you were a pinball in a pinball machine– with someone else fingers on the flippers.

    I’m a gay man, a bathhouse visitor across the world, saunas in the EU and Asia. I’m also married and some would term me bisexual, but I prefer sex with men. Some gay men can’t consider the thought of a vagina, but a vagina isn’t the only part of a woman– there’s a brain. It’s not the same as a man’s brain, but complements me in my hetero-married life. We get along great. It’s probably not for you, but you’ve maybe seen me in the somewhat anonymous environment of the tubs. I’m there, and millions like me, and you, and the straights.

    I have my own ethnicity. It’s only background to who I am, just the first thing you’ll see and make an impression of. Maybe it’s my physique, or my age, or other characteristics. These are superficial, and if you go beyond that superficiality of first impression, you’ll have much more fun. Otherwise, thanks for the writings.

  26. Thank you for your thoughts. They are well thought out and I appreciate them very much.

    I wanted to share with you my experiences over the last 11 years, both at bath houses and at gay bars.

    I am 33, white, gay. Until recently I was very beheld to the PC idea that I SHOULD not be snobby towards those that I felt were unattractive to me. On the “GQ” scale of 0-10 I am about a 7-8.25 depending on whether I am taking care of myself or not (I am judging this by my own assessment, as well as through what several other long term friends tell me).

    I used to be a fat and, as I used to believe, ugly teenager- that is until I was about 18. At 18 many friends were telling me that I had changed a lot. In sexual arenas it was clear from other people’s reactions that I was not an ugly duckling any more (I came out at 16). As I “blossomed” I was angry at those who were snooty towards me in high school just because I had not been “GQ”. As such I decided that I would be kind, decent and conversational towards those that were lower than me on the “GQ” scale at bars and bath houses. I genuinely sought to connect with any decent person at these places.

    I have learned the hard way that these places are, for the most part, primordial. As gay men we go there for very basic, instinctual reasons; sex. Some of us, like myself, require more- a brief conversation for example. Generally, however, I believe that we are looking for our equals in looks at these places. Please don’t misunderstand me when I say “looks”. This word can be variable, however I believe that it should be self evident that there is a basic equation that pervades human sexual attraction. This “equation” applies in the gay world as much as in the straight world.

    What I am trying to say is that I learned the hard way during my younger years at the bathes and bars. I was treated as an object and generally experienced a lot of jealousy from those who were not “GQ”. I had even been taken advantage of several times. My kindness and willingness to speak to anyone was frequently used to manipulate me into sex that I did not want in the first place; these places are for sex not intellectual contact.

    Today I understand why “GQ” guys flock to each other- for safety and BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE EACH OTHER!

    I can certainly understand your frustration at being a decent looking guy yet not being attractive to those in the society that you are a part of simply because of racial considerations. Perhaps you might wish to consider visiting a place where Asians are the norm to escape the cultural/racial bias? This may not seem fair however I do not believe others should have to act attracted to those that they do not find attractive (regardless of the psychology of sexual attraction).

    PS My ex was part Asian. If I had met him at the baths I would have said “no”. Got to know him= wish I had not lost him.

  27. I just had an 20 y/o Swimmer type blond boy cruising me at the gym yesterday by showing his horny tool in the shower and he even followed me all the way down to the parking lot but I was with my lover and couldn’t do anything about it. I am 38 y/o swimmer built Asian male. It is the law of attraction that governs this world and if you allow yourself to be attractive, you’ll get laid.

  28. Hey there, have been reading some of your stories…and found the one on racism pretty apt.

    I’m a gay Asian male in South Africa…I’m a highly educated and attractive guy with a great body but have experienced such racism from both GWMs and GAMs. It’s really sad….

    Not only in bathhouses but the same occurs in clubs, and bars. I still don’t understand it!

    What bugs me most, how is a sensible GAM supposed to find friends with similar cultural backgrounds, if such a pathetic mentality exists in our minority communities.

  29. I was fortunate enough to go to the Midtowne Spa in Los Angeles about a year ago. Nice clean facilities and friendly staff. It was my first visit. The best sex I had, without a doubt, was an Asian Male. He was small, had a hard body and smooth skin. He could suck cock better than anyone else and, when the time was right, turned out to be the best bottom I have fucked in the past 15 years. We cuddled afterward, and then took a shower together. I left shortly after, but will never forget how wonderful he was. This summer I am making a trip to the Megaplex in Boonville, Missouri and I hope it is as good. If not, I will continue on to the Club St. Louis and hope for another encounter with an Asian male.

  30. Hi. Thanks for sharing your extensive experience at the bathhouse and I’m sure many people benefit from them. However, I would have to disagree with some of your rigid assessment about racial attitudes at the bathhouses. I am a GAM with slightly toned body, around 5’5″. Relatively good looking and quite versed in general knowledge so I can pretty much strike up a conversation with most people (not that I do much of that at the baths, only rarely). I go to the bathhouses every once in a while to check the scene. I’m in Muslim Asia and there are quite a few GWM (Germans, Italians, Dutch, fat, muscular, old, young, you name it) who come to the bathhouse I frequent. I find many of them attracted to me even as I browse the corridors. You can say that well, there’s a reason why they’re in Asia in the first place…

    However, while I was in London last year, I went to the Pleasuredrome near the Tate on two consecutive days (I was in town for about 4) and I did top a 6′, very handsome, quite athletic, GWM from Chamonix (he preferred it…frankly, I would have loved to be the receiver), played with another one who was not as tall, slightly older (35 or so) got hit on more than a few times by other GWM (some very old, some in their prime), and also did an Iraqi. I did however; encounter the type of GWM and GAM (and GA+WM) you described earlier. It’s whatever kind of thing for me, really. Personally, I am not too particular about race and if I haven’t done someone from any particular race yet, it is most probably because I haven’t met anyone suitable yet. I have type preferences that transcend skin color. I have done people of my own race, but I must admit I prefer uncut which, most of my race aren’t. It’s a complementary issue, really as the man (he’s mixed) I’m seeing on and off nowadays is uncut and likes my cut member just fine. So really, maybe I’m living in this tiny dimension where the stuff you described seems to be the exception rather than the rule. But here’s hoping things will be better. Peace.

  31. I’m a 19 y.o Asian guy and I have no problem attracting women/men from all . But I can see where you’re coming from.

    Negative media portrayals can really hurt the great majority of a group(ethnic, religious, professional, not just limited to broad terms like race), especially in the eyes of really shallow and stupid people. Almost all the Asian men in mainstream American media are downright hideous simply by coincidence (small pool), and the roles they’re portrayed in are almost always negative or one-sided. Ninja, nerd, ugly kung-fu guy, or ugly kung-fu nerd etc. There are a lot of attractive Asian men being portrayed in the media in Asia, of course.

    That, and there’s under-representation (there’s a huge difference in acceptance in say, California vs. East Coast) of Asian men in America, because of sheer numbers or otherwise. Generally I’ve found that greater exposure to Asian men makes them more attractive to the people there; the exception being extraordinarily good looking guys in an under-represented group.

    So I guess another good way to speed things up is to be more visible and to get people to know you. Stupid people are all more or less alike, if you are different they will dislike you. I’d suggest going somewhere where you can find more intelligent gay men, I’m sure they’d be more open minded. There are always a lot of shallow whores in the mainstream.

    Another thing I’d like to say is that I have noticed white men often dating younger Asian men. It doesn’t bother me at all really.. a lot of them are really nice people. I don’t think it’s exactly that older white men go after Asian boys specifically, but that a lot of Asians in America internalize self-hate (a lot of us should all be familiar with this; i.e gay/straight and the decades of trauma) from under-representation coupled with negative media portrayals. It’s a multilayer ed threat; as a young boy growing up I felt aliened by the gay mainstream and despised by heterosexuals in general.

    So yeah, it’s rough. I guess I should stop rambling and get to the point. Lashing out at white people in general will not help you, especially if you want to attract white people. Being obsequious and diffident will really hurt your chances as well; not to criticize.. I think you should spend more time around people who appreciate you and not dumb superficial man-whores who happen to be white.

    I hope the best for anyone who’s suffering from as a result of society’s general ignorance.

  32. Hi, I have read just the first few articles and cannot help comment. As a very good- looking Asians in my youth, I guess I had somewhat better luck, though I certainly would have wanted more. LOL. Now about the preference/racial thing, my view is that the worst perpetrators are those desperate young GAM who have neither taste nor self-esteem.

    I think the whites have their rights to be attracted to themselves. I’ll give you 2 (out of many) stories:

    At a GAM function, I mocked those GAMs and was later reprimanded for putting a fellow GAM down! I had inadvertently offended so many at the function!

    Other one: at a gay dating/friendship party (10 years ago at gay center), I saw an neat looking Asian and stoke up conversation, I said: “Although I was not sexually attracted to him, I would like just to be.…”

    Right away he says: “neither was I!!”

    Before I could finish, …platonic friends?”

    “Oh, maybe, maybe,…” he said, half disgusted.

    About a month later, I saw this guy (I bet 20’s) shopping, then entering a bar/restaurant with a tired dried-up guy in his limping 60/70’s, someone I believe any bystanders (most of all GAM’s mother) would feel so sorry to see the GAM befriend.

  33. I am a white male.

    Maybe things are different in big cities with well developed gay communities. A kind of institutionalized bigotry may have become the norm in some places. I don’t know. I have not noticed it in Pittsburgh. I don’t frequent clubs but I do participate in gay sports leagues. So I meet a lot of gay men.

    When I first met my husband, a beautiful man of Thai-Chinese descent, we were playing racquetball. His friend didn’t show. Neither did mine, which was lucky for us.

    We became friends, figured out the other was gay and that was the beginning of our lives together.

    My husband is much smaller than me, and far more intelligent and much more masculine. I usually refer to him as the more “innsertive”.

    His eyes, his lips, his skin, the way his hair doesn’t grow like mine are all beautiful and very different.

    I think the differences between us made us more curious and more attracted to each other initially. But sexual animal attraction fades. Something else has to be the glue that keeps a couple together.

    True love, that’s right. And mine is packaged in yellow and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

  34. Aloha from Hawaii! I read with much interest your essays on GAMs and GWMs. Having been raised here in Hawaii where Asians are the majority, (a Margaret Cho comment about Hawaii: “Where else can you find dim sum in a 7-11?”) I do not see this “self-hatred” that you refer to.

    We have only one bath here and there are always Asians there on any given night – and we play together. In fact, my Asian friends prefer Asians and sometimes we have to actually run away from pushy GWM both at the bath and in the bars.

    My trip to San Francisco many years ago was the first time I witnessed this anti-sticky rice attitude that you write about. Here in Hawaii it is almost the opposite and we “sticky” Asians question (metaphorically speaking of course) those GAM who only date GWM. Not for their “self-hatred” or anything like that but just for fun.

    All I have to say is, come to Hawaii where you will see the wide range of AJA; confident, intelligent, masculine (which is a purposeful dig at the white racist who commented that most GAM are feminine), successful and so much more.

    A word of advice to GWM who are looking for the submissive GAM, we don’t need you to validate us. Many times we are more financially secure than you, more successful and more confident, and a lot of times, better built, than you. The idea of being your “ornamental” is offensive. If you are cruising a GAM because he is attractive, that’s awesome, but if you are looking at us as objects or just to blow you because you think we are desperate – you have a lot to learn about Asian men.

  35. I always wondered. What about a guy who doesn’t want to go to his grave without getting fucked and sucked and to suck a cock? Can’t reach mine.

    If you have been around the world and met with many different cultures I think you start to prefer color. More honesty. 46 year old, I think age settles my soul, removes fear and prejudice. Again thanks, can a straight guy go to a bath to try new things?

  36. I very much appreciate your site and its stories. However, I need to suggest that many GWM of all ages find Asian men very appealing (men are men) I am a social scientist and you’ve given me a research idea.

  37. I think Asian guys would have much better luck with Bi guys like myself who like Asian women. Many Bi men would find you all to be exotic like Latinos, etc. Also maybe, Transsexuals would also more than likely be a possible choice. Frankly, true gay men are very difficult people anyway, many with deep emotional issues. Again, I think you all would find Bi men the most understanding and open to try new things with new people. For us sex is sex; all the other issues do not apply to us, so we can enjoy our partners without all the baggage.

  38. I visited a bathhouse in an Asian city last year. Coming from a deeply closeted country, all that booty was driving me mad. However, I realized that being brown makes a difference. The cold shoulder was clearly apparent and I thought it was just me.

  39. Hey your articles are great. We have both had some of the same observations. You so often verbalize what I have been thinking. I try to get to the bathhouse about once a month. So happy I found your site. I have to agree with you about GAM, I am over 50 and a little over weight and I know they wouldn’t be looking at me, if anyone else was interested. About a year ago I was in a maze in a bath house and started kissing a guy. It was to dark for us to see each other, but we could tell we where both very oral. He said, “Do you want to go to my room?” and I said – sure. In the hall when we checked each other out, I said you still want to get together. We agreed and I have to say we had some of the hottest guys sex I had ever had. I changed my mind, not I just hope a GAM will look my way. I have had some wonderful encounters since I stopped letting race get in my way.

  40. I have always liked slighter, darker men. As a kid all the boys I liked were dark complected and this was in a very WASPy town. In my – all too many – years of going to bathhouses, I have been with members of all ages and races, but I generally like the look and feel of Asian men. Is it racism? Maybe, but I don’t think so. When I came out there weren’t many GAMs around, so I had no experience for many years. When I did it was fun, and wanted the experience again. And as more Asian men came out, I did, and it was still fun.

    The literal feel of youth is an aphrodisiac; Asian men age well. Contrarily, as I get older, I want to be with people my own age, of similar experiences, and educational background. Unfortunately rarely do I find GAMs my age in bathhouses, and bathhouses are, after all, mainly for sex. Yes there are young Asian men who like me, but I think proportionately it is the same for other races also. The excitement of a young guy wanting an older one is something you will experience I think, and it seems to be separate from race. The urge to procreate with obvious fertility?

    There is a fascination – look up the derivation of that word – for people of opposite races or opposite “looks” for many, myself included. There is also something compelling about a different culture or way of living, sometimes to the extent of over-romanticizing its attributes and downplaying its faults. I am sure that is true of me. I like the chaos of China, the uptight politeness of Japan, the openness of Thailand, and enjoy how each of these manifest in the sleazy underbelly of all three gay cultures.

    Have I wondered if my attraction had a racist base? Sure, and I thought about it a lot. Not to be too “nuanced”, I believe my apologia for liking Asian men is a result of age, experience, and reading the research into why people like others. But you are likely right in many of your observations regarding self esteem and control. Yet, please don’t disregard simple attraction. I never liked blonds. They never did much for me. But there have been a few… Ah well, there are always exceptions.

  41. First, thanks for taking the time to write the articles. You depict bathhouse events very accurately. I do disagree with your view that ALL white guys want other white guys, though. I happen to find Latinos the most attractive group personally. With Asians and white guys, some interest me, some don’t. I do not consider sexual preferences racism, any more than being first and foremost attracted to skinny guys would be weight-ism.

  42. Hey- I am a half-white and half-Latino. I have to admit, some gay people I know prefer white men, but not all! My friend and I (although we’re a lot more than that) really couldn’t care what race he was- so long as he’s around our age, not overweight but average, and as long as they’re not fem.

    I, myself, do not have a fetish for Asians, or any race for that matter. None of my friends I hang out with have any clue that my friend and I are gay. They’re not (as far as I know) but I still find that I like them a lot! If only they were gay… But anyways, one is black, one Latino, one Asian, and two whites. I’d go for any of them regardless of race; if I was not to know them, I’d still want to get to know a guy first. It’s not all about the outside (no matter how sexy they are!) but also their personality.

    From reading your stories, I find that many white guys dislike Asians, and I must agree that maybe 80% whites don’t like them. But all my gay white friends but ONE would not turn down an Asian, so long as he isn’t an ass.

  43. Your observations on racism in the gay community and your resulting theories are interesting and probably to some degree true. I believe as you, we are all subconsciously prejudiced by our family, culture and the society into which we are born. However, once we are old enough to honestly “see” ourselves, our conscious actions should be based on justice and equality. You were astute enough to realize that sex is sex and the “id” can be motivated by many, many triggers. In my case (GWM-52) my preferences have been the same all my life – trim attractive body, well-endowed, smooth, and a basically gentle person. I don’t care what the wrapping is if it meets my criteria. And yes, these preferences are more important to me as I age since I do wish to “recapture” some of my own youth! Is that so bad?? One person cannot change the whole world, but we can change people one at a time by our actions and influence upon them. You sound like a good and just man – march to the beat of your own drum and life will be meaningful and good. Jay

  44. Just my take, being a GWM; Growing up, there weren’t any Asian’s around. Finally met some Asian people about 10 years ago, and was fascinated by how friendly they were, their culture, and their beautiful physical features.

    Since then, I have maybe 5 white friends, however the majority of my friends are Asian (well over 100).

    My bowling teams are mostly Asian, The friends that I hang out the most with are Asian, and I almost exclusively search for an Asian partner.

    Can’t tell you how many times I have been turned down in that arena, but I know that eventually, I will find my partner for life, and he will be Asian.

  45. I’m a 43-year-old bisexual. Even though I’m middle aged now, I wasn’t always, and I can tell you that I’ve always been attracted to good-looking men and women of all races. I’ve had sex with them all, and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I am a well-endowed Hispanic, and have been both top and bottom to Asians, Blacks, Whites, you name it. I’ve topped women of all races too

  46. After reading this story, I had found quite a lot of similarities between you and me.

    I am Asian myself and had gone to many saunas in Montreal. I do not only go however for the GWM and I do not have prejudices against my own race. I am attracted to any kind of guys, regardless his ethnicity background. The only criteria that I ask for is that he must be fit and good looking.

    I had had sexual experiences with Whites, Latinos, Arabs, and Asians. The only experience that I had not have is Black guys. Not that I am racist, but rather it’s I have not found an attractive Black man yet.

    I agree with you that GWM are taking the advantage that we submissive and considered as “last pick.” I found this very disgusting and I somehow do not agree this, but this is reality. The only thing I hope is that one day, things will slowly change…

  47. I have really enjoyed reading your stories and observations about gay men, bathhouses, and the sometimes strange, hurtful and sometimes loving interactions gay men have with each other. Especially good were your comments on racism and body discrimination in the gay community. You have observed closely and honestly related these types of gay behaviors (I have certainly observed it) that others might prefer to dismiss or downplay– your moral antennae are in the right place.

  48. Mad props 2 U 4 yo’ Ntrospection, but I think yo’ exam of yo’ self esteem pathology is Ncomplete. As a fair-skinned brotha, I’m familiar w/ da complexities of intraracial dynamics, but answer me this? R U not attracted @ all 2 blacks or latinos? Think about it; U crave sex w/ white dudes 4 all da wrong reasons (social gain), then further defeat dat desire by reserving yo’self 4 da 1 N a million dat will settle 4 U when he’s hard up enuff (I haven’t seen many ugly or fat Asians, so U ought 2 C yo’self as da bomb, not da consolation). Meanwhile u got brothas & vatos checkin’ U out & U ain’t even payin’ attention. ‘Tho’ my weakness is latinos, if U’re halfway tight, workin’ what U got & can talk a lil shit & laugh, we can hook up, & I ain’t no buster. Every man’s got sumthin’ sexy ’bout him, but sexy is mostly attitude.

  49. You are wrong. I love Asian males. But I can find any in my area (Louisville, KY) that will respond. I want a true love. Can you help me locate one.

  50. I’m a GWM (normal height, slightly muscular, not a twink tho 😉 that used to spend some time in Toronto (is that where you are?) at a few places (St. Marc, etc.) I have a preference for non-W but that includes Asians, Blacks, Hispanics, etc. The thought of all the neglected Asians is truly sad; I always opted for a beautiful quality of whatever sort (including chubs!) and frequently found much beauty in Asians. Oh well, it is an eternal triangular dilemma. It’s the self-hate that poisons the perceptions, too.

  51. I think you have written a very perceptive series of articles on life in the baths. You really do know the scene, don’t you?

    I’m glad that you pointed out the bad parts of the gay scene, especially the use of alcohol and drugs. It seems many are just hell bent upon their own self-destruction and nothing will stop them. Drug and alcohol abuse are a plague upon the gay community. Many will not admit to this.

    I am 53 years old and in good shape physically. But also in good shape mentally. Those ‘Adonis’s’ who roam the hallways are so twisted by their own self-absorption that they are repulsive human beings. PLEASE! Give me a break! Remember, the Greek god Narcissism drowned in the pool when he fell into a trance-like state looking at his own image in the water. Some things never change.

    Regarding race: I think you are overdoing it. I am white and the first sexual experience I ever had in a bathhouse was with a black man. I’ve had very good sex with Oriental’s as well. Recently I was with a Vietnamese guy and it was great. Some white guys might prefer other white guys. If they are prejudiced, it’s their loss. I think it’s probably more of a preference thing than anything else.

    But I am sorry that you feel that way. Congratulations on a job well done!

  52. I am in a relationship with a very special Asian. I am white. When we are out with friends or even at the baths, I have asked other white guys why they show no interest in Asians. Aggression is the word that I hear 99.99% of the time. Here in Toronto we have a huge Asian population, therefore there is a large number of gay Asian males. My white friends always tell me if they (Asians) just wouldn’t be so damn aggressive they might be interested. Remember too, most Asians are VERY racist. As they ONLY want to have sex with white guys.

  53. I am living in Boston, exchange from France. Yes, I am white, but not consider myself racist. I do not regard me as “special,” but am unsure of this fascination with white people. I have dated mostly white guys, that is what is around me! But I also like Asians, Blacks, etc. I wondered if you had experience w/ black men, and if there is similar perception of racism. Also, what can informed, open-mind white people do, short of all rushing out to get a black or yellow BF, to show that we are not hateful? I found your site very informative, but I sense anger that make me feel bad. I wonder do U hate whites, maybe u feel we oppress? Even when not trying? I don’t know, just wondering. I forgot to say in the previous message I’m not not 300 pounds either, I’m well below half that weight, and I’m not gross looking either, I’d probably be liked at that GQ bathhouse but like you I really hate people who are that superficial ~smiles and acts like he himself was never that kind of person~ Yuck this really sounds like I’m tooting my own horn but I just want you to know there are GOOD Asian loving guys out there

  54. Feel the point u made out there, though i just read the front part of the “politic in bathroom”.

    Being a Chinese, i agree with your opinion. I don’t have much experience, ‘cos i m in a Muslim country (means i m still in closet).

    So far what i got is few months of irc chatting(started last Aug, 2001) but what u said is so true .. grateful to hear u speak up for other Asians.

  55. Enjoying your stories, bookmarked so can read more lately.I am “white”, but am turned on by smaller guys and other cultures. (Many Asians are smaller). Had sex in Amsterdam in November with Chinese hunk. Awesome!

  56. I’m a writer and have to say, if you haven’t thought about it, you have a book here- I’ve just discovered your site and look forward to reading it- your sexual honesty is hot- as a white guy who likes Asian men I’m very interested in the dynamics of relationships, the expectations and misunderstandings are wild- AND relatively unexplored in literature. If we get a dialogue going I’ll send you some stuff I’ve written after I’ve read more of yours.

  57. The first guy I was ever with, that way was from Siam, when I was 9. I’ve been mostly with Asian guys since then. Although I usually prefer guys who are a bit older…well, more mature…sometimes that can be younger guys as well. I met a really nice guy from Nippon a few weeks ago, and he was only 25. I rarely do Caucasian men.

  58. I have enjoyed your site and read most, if not all of your stories. Well done, and I can relate to many of your observations. I’m a pretty good looking (blush) white boy who met my (Asian) partner when I was 26 at the largest gay bath in LA. A slow Saturday afternoon. I don’t usually hit on Asians but there was just SOMETHING about him. After we “did it”, we talked for what seemed like hours. We exchanged numbers, two days later he called. We went out on a date date. That was 10 years ago and we are still going strong. Registered domestic partners, two homes, three cars, living trust, medical power of attorney and all the rest. Guess what I’m trying to say is it is possible for 2 guys to meet in a highly charged sexual environment, hook up and end up together for the duration. Whatever, enjoyed your site.

  59. I myself have dated with guys of various races and cultures (White, Jew, Black, Puerto Rican, Indian and Taiwanese), so I simply cannot understand the people who confines themselves only to certain type.
    There are a lot of beautiful guys out there, so why do you limit yourself :)?

    True, it is hard sometimes when people give you attitude or ignore you or objectify you because of what you look like. But I think if I started to attribute every rejection simply to racism, then I would drive myself insane…. At least, I could say that I never turned someone down simply because of race. So I would like to keep myself open-minded and refrain myself from playing “race card”, however trying the situation may be. I think there is racism in gay community, but I don’t interpret everything from that point of view. I just keep that in the corner of my mind and not to make myself too defensive.

  60. I relate to your story about rejection because that has happened to me a few times…I think that is so especially in the US is that white men and women are forced on us via ads, TV shows, movies as the epitome of beauty therefore most white people identify with only white men. on occasion white Latin men. as desirable…plus Asian men are never portrayed as sexually desirable men…and last but not least the gay worlds obsession with huge penises which Asian men are not known for…those are just a few of many more social, cultural reasons etc. I have been to Europe may times, the Latin Caribbean islands, South America, Egypt, Jordan etc and found to my surprise very good-looking men. young and old …. cruising me openly. so maybe it is a US thing…personally I have never found Abercrombie and Fitch, Nautica type white boys and men attractive sexually. this will sound racist but…too white….Latin and Arabic men are much more sexual. way much to me….one more thing…openly gay men are not attracted to me but I have had bisexual or young curios straight men and boys come after me…and lots of good looking married men especially….young to older…have had flings with a few I’m ashamed to say. the last one was a married good ole boy in Texas with a body of a god for close to 2 years….another acquaintance. a cute Japanese guy has told me the same thing….I would like to hear from other Asian guys if this is happening to them also….I have always found it odd ….right now two supposedly straight men. one married in their early twenties are always flirting with me at work when no one else is around….very sexual talk sometimes…they are a no no of course because I work with them but it is tempting since both are pretty hot…anyway thanks for your site. you have been very honest and have hit the mark….start looking outside the GWM shelf and you might like what you will find………….good luck

  61. Wow, I’ve learned a lot tonight. I’m a relative newby, Caucasian, never been to a bathhouse cause I’ve had a bad impression of them. Thanks for opening my eyes. I have a 37 year old Taiwanese BF (we are both cuddlers), but I’ve never thought of myself as someone who thinks Asians should be subservient. I just appreciate the beauty and the gentleness of the men.

  62. Thank you for producing a well-organized intelligent and interesting site. Its so easy for anyone to make their own site but unfortunately they can be as boring as the people who create them. My compliments to you for being the exception. I’m not just being gratuitous. I really mean it. I live in nyc and since the terrorists attacked the world trade centre, I’ve been having difficulty sleeping at night. last night I was wide awake at 4:00 a.m. So I picked up a book that I’ve been enjoying immensely. And then after a couple of hours of reading I thought I’d just check my email and then ran across your site from geocities. Actually, it was the first site listed of all the hundreds of sites under the heading of gay men So I guess you’re pretty lucky. Anyway I started reading your stuff and was really hooked. But I was only able to read it for a few minutes before it was time to log off and get to work. Your writing style is pretty good and I just enjoyed it for that alone. And of course the content was interesting too. I’ve been visiting baths for a couple of years. Sometimes its frustrating and I leave without making a connection. (I’m white) but oftentimes I meet someone (sometimes Asian but not always – more on that later) and its really great. Not just the sex but the part about two human souls touching. Between the pleasure and warmth its really nice. And 99% of the guys I meet are basically good guys like myself. I’m looking forward to exploring your site some more. And about my cultural/ethnic preferences: yes I like Asian guys a lot. They are easily my favourite. I like all kinds of Asian guys. Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Malaysian. Some are butch and masculine with nice gym bodies. Others are smaller and lithe. They’re all unique. I don’t believe the subservient theory applies to me. I’ve always liked Asian boys ever since I knew I was gay (at age 18). But I don’t just like Asians exclusively. I also like Hispanic guys, blacks are nice and so are French boys and other European and Mediterranean boys. I didn’t mean for this to be a long message and it could probably use some editing but I’m at work and got to run now. Thank you for the good work.

  63. My favorite sexual experience was with a man who lives near Pusan. He f**ked me with my knees up. I’m tight and he slapped my thighs which opened me up for his beautiful cock, the head of which had the foreskin around the base like a doughnut, an operation some Asian or at least some Korean men have. It was the most demure feeling of my life. I like your site so much I can’t remove it from my favorites list even though I’m continually removing other sites for fear of being found out.

  64. I’ve just read all of your stories. Thank you for interesting stories and your effort to put them online. I go to a bathhouse in Melbourne sometimes, I’m into white & young guys and I’ve had similar experiences like yours. However, not like you, I think that there are quite a lot of young white men who like Asian guys. If you can not find a nice and young white guy in that “friendly bathhouse” why don’t you try other bathhouses? Well if someone likes you just because you are Asian you should not feel bad about that. Why should you feel bad if someone likes you because you’re Asian while you admit that you like white guys (because they’re white!). You think that people like you because they have that Asian fetish. Why don’t you think that some white guys might have thought that you like them just because you have that White fetish?! Well I’m just trying to tell you that please be proud of yourself as an Asian and feel great when men like you because you’re Asian. I believe that such a friendly, kind and thoughtful guy like you will be able to find his Mr Right soon. Good luck! Thanks again for your interesting stories. I’d like to be your pen-pal and would like to hear (and share)experiences and ideas with you. 🙂

  65. Hi!!!! Love your site but mostly I love what you have to say. The part that I find intriguing is how perceptive you are about being objectified for being Asian. I like your holistic attitude about the Baths…seems like it nurtures your Heart, Body and Soul. I get the feeling that you’re into energy and not looks when you meet a guy, if he’s really hot it’s a bonus. personally, I hate the mainstream gay community’s focus on beauty and how big a guys dick is. I’m a gay man who was born in a female body and I’m working on correcting that with hormones and surgery. I liked that you made mention of transgender and transsexual people. Would be great to hear from you. Feel free to email me. If you do put “bathhouse” in the subject line so I know it’s you.

  66. Hi! I’m just your typical GWM, I thought, until I read your story. I’m 41, exclusively into Asian men–not because of some fetish or because they are easy pickings. I enjoy the camaraderie, that we are able to share some emotional bonds on different levels. Oh well. I’m the one who’ll be alone for the rest of my life! lol

  67. I was surprised to see you writing about white men not liking Asian men. I think Asian men are beautiful and am sorry I have not had many opportunities to be with them.

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